12 Things I Wish I Knew as a First Time Parent

As a first-time parent, the idea of having a baby can be one of the most frightening and daunting scenarios you can ever imagine. Many expecting parents start assuming the worst from the moment they learn that they'll be having a child. There are plenty of folks out there who will spread misinformation about how hard it is to have a baby, how much a child will cost, how much your life will change, and more. Try to put that negative talk out of your head.

Yes, there will be work involved, and there will be tough times, but you can get through it. One secret to success is knowing what to expect before it happens, and this list can help with that. I will provide a list of things that I learned while raising two children, from what to expect to how to plan. We hope this guide will put you at ease so you can focus on the joy that your new bundle of joy will bring.

How Often Newborn Babies Wake Up

The first thing I wasn’t prepared for as a first-time parent was just how often my newborn daughter was going to wake up, especially during the first couple of months. 

I knew that some babies were more fussy than others, but I didn't realize how crazy it would get. When my daughter was born and we were still sitting in the hospital, the nurse told us that many babies will sleep for the first couple of days. That did not turn out to be true. From the first hour she was born, my daughter started crying, and she rarely ever stopped.

Then we brought her home, and she kept crying. It didn't get much better at night. My wife and I had many nights with only a few hours of sleep. Between those hours of shut-eye, we were busy changing diapers, feeding, and cradling our daughter while praying that she'd fall asleep. The crying did get a little better over time, but it was quite a shock.

With that said, a few years later, we had our son. In his case, it actually went as the nurse said all those years earlier. My son did sleep for the first few days. To this day, he continues to sleep all night without much fuss. What I learned is that there are two types of newborns. Those who cry nonstop and those who don't. As a first-time parent, be prepared for either scenario.

Every Baby is Different

Perhaps the absolute most important thing to know as a first-time parent is that every child is different. Yes, many babies will have similarities, but keep in mind that every child will develop a little differently. Our child cried a lot. It wasn't because she was sick; she just had a different temperament. For the first three years of his life, my son did not say any words. We thought there may be a health issue, but there wasn't. He just took longer to start talking. 

Sure, you should bring your child to a doctor if you think that something is truly wrong, but they may send you home and tell you to “wait and see.” It’s easy to get discouraged if your child isn’t doing something that you see the rest of the kids doing, but try not to let it bother you because every baby is different.

Feeding Is Not Always Easy

Similar to the last tip, it’s vital that you remember that there are likely to be feeding challenges when it comes to your new baby. Each child has their own personality, so you never know which foods they are going to take to first and which they will throw a fit about eating. You will also need to decide if you will feed your baby formula or go the breastfeeding route. Mothers who are choosing the latter should know that doing so will take some trial and error. Remember that everything takes effort, but over time, you will succeed. When in doubt, reach out to an expert.

You Can’t Cuddle Your Baby Too Much

As a first-time parent, one thing that I was relieved to learn is that it’s not possible to spoil or cuddle your baby too much (as long as you’re gentle). No, you won’t “ruin” your baby by constantly showering them with love, and it’s impossible to play with your child too much. Paying constant attention to your child is important so you can ensure their safety and security. Plus, you’ll create a stronger bond between you and your baby, even if your newborn doesn’t quite realize it.

When you're hugging and loving your baby, make sure to tell them you love them. The more you talk to your baby, the easier it will be for your child to learn words when the time comes. You'll only help your kids by talking and spending time with them.

Your Relationship Will Be Tested

No one ever said that having a baby would be easy, but you need to be prepared for some challenges. In the end, it will all be worth it. One challenge that you should be prepared for is the fact that your relationship with your spouse will be tested. Even the most well-behaved babies will cause restless nights, so get used to that idea and don’t get mad at one another. You’ll also have to strategize how to split up the new responsibilities, like changing the baby, preparing meals, etc. It will be a stressful time. The best way to prepare for it is to have an understanding of the struggles, so it’s not quite a shock. 

Communication will be key as a new parent. Talking things out will be essential so that you don’t start to fight with your spouse. Consider dividing and writing out the responsibilities of parenthood before the baby is born. You may need to make some adjustments after your little one comes, but at least you won’t go into this new adventure completely unprepared.

It’s Okay to Ask for Help

As a first-time parent, it's natural for you to feel like you need to do every single thing for your baby, and if you can't, then you won't be a good father or mother. That's not true. A new baby is a big adventure, and it's a lot to handle. If you refuse to ask for help, then you're asking for trouble. Seeking assistance is not a weakness. If you have family nearby, ask them to come and watch your child for an hour if you need to get groceries. Have evening commitments? Get someone to watch your baby instead of getting in over your head. 

If you have a job and your maternity leave ends, and you have no choice but to go to work, then seek out daycare centers or nannies who can watch your baby while you're away. Remember that there's nothing wrong with having a baby and a job. Start researching resources before the baby is born so you don't feel so overwhelmed.

You Won’t Get Everything Done

Once your baby is born and you realize how truly busy parenting can be, it's natural to start feeling overwhelmed. You'll be busy taking care of your child when all of a sudden you realize that the dirty dishes are piling up, the laundry hasn't been washed in a while, and your voicemail is full because you keep missing calls. 

During these times, don't beat yourself up. If you're a control freak like me, then that may be easier said than done, but you must try. If you need help with something, reach out to your support network. Whatever happens, remember that your new baby is the priority. If you spend the majority of your time ensuring their safety and development, then you can rest assured that you're a good parent.

Hard Phases Will Pass

Many parents get freaked out in the beginning because they think that a bad phase will last forever. However, that’s typically not the case. Remember, if your baby isn’t sleeping now, they will sleep better down the line. If they’re fussing about their food now, at some point, they’ll start eating regularly.

The point is that if you have struggles, it’s vital that you don’t get upset or distressed. All babies have some sort of phase that eventually passes. Just because your child does something that worries you now, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Keeping that in mind is key.

Don’t Rely Solely on Baby Books

When they learn that they’re going to have a baby, many parents will run for the baby books and read them day and night. I know I certainly did. As an expectant dad, I wanted to be prepared. There are thousands of baby books out there, and while they do have some good advice and a number of them are worth a read, you can’t rely on every word. After all, every baby is different, so not every rule applies to every child. 

Instead, you need to combine proven advice with your own instincts. If what you're doing seems right, but it’s different from what the baby book says, then go with your gut. It’s certainly possible to overprepare for your baby, and that could potentially do more harm than good.

Babies Don’t Need to Be Expensive

Even if a couple really wants a baby, they may take every precaution possible to avoid having one simply because they think they’ll go bankrupt trying to raise a child. However, the opposite is often the case. If you’re smart with your spending, then having a baby is actually not too expensive, especially in the early days.

Within the first few years, the most significant cost will be the actual hospital visit when your child is born. After that, you just need to buy some essentials like the car seat, bassinet, and diapers. You'll need a lot of diapers, but if you look for sales and buy them in bulk at big box stores, then the cost really isn't too overwhelming. 

Just remember that you will likely be showered with baby gifts before the baby is born. Family members love to spoil new parents, so you'll be provided with outfits, toys, bibs, bottles, pacifiers, and all the other essentials. After the baby shower, you'll likely have more outfits than you know what to do with. You wouldn't want to buy too many clothes anyway, because by the time you're ready to put that outfit on your baby, they will have outgrown the size. 

It's Easy to Overspend

Yes, with proper planning, having a baby should be an affordable adventure. However, many first-time parents fall into a money trap. They think they need to buy every invention and baby product on the market, and before they know it, they’re out thousands of dollars. You need to be smart with your baby shopping, especially if you’re on a budget. 

Think about what you will realistically use. Do you really need a high-tech diaper disposal system, or can you settle for throwing diapers in the garbage? How about expensive designer outfits? Your child doesn't even know what clothes are, so there's no reason to splurge. Some gadgets seem cool, like swinging baby seats that move on their own, but you can swing your baby for free.

The point is that you don't have to go overboard buying every fancy device in the world. In the end, all your baby needs is two parents who shower them with love.

Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Finally, although your baby is the top priority, don't neglect your own well-being along the way. Create a plan so you can get your eight hours of sleep per night if possible. Eat enough every day and go out for special dinners every once in a while. Massages and yoga may help you relax. Sometimes just spending an hour with your spouse hanging out on the couch and relaxing can be enough to charge your batteries.

By finding time for yourself and focusing on self-care, you can ensure that you’re in the right state of mind to care for your family. Your newborn baby will be grateful for all that you do.

The image featured at the top of this post is ©NDAB Creativity/Shutterstock.com