Your Child Won't Listen

Let's Get Ready for Baby! Sign up for our monthly pregnancy email series, and you'll get regular updates on your baby's development, helpful timelines to get ready for their arrival, must-have baby needs and so much more! PLUS, you'll get instant access to the MomsWhoThink "Ultimate Guide to Baby Naming in 2022." CLICK HERE to get started!

Defiance, disobedience, and misbehavior: these are all some of the more unpleasant things our children get up to. They can be some of the worst issues for parents to deal with though. In part this is because we wonder if we will be able to enforce good behavior or whether our child will continue to ignore us and our demands.

Alternatively, we may be distressed at the thought of our child’s behavior and at the thought of causing them pain when we insist on punishing them in order to correct that behavior. Let’s face it discipline is hard. Despite that, however, it is also necessary. Experts say that discipline issues account for two of the four reasons that children become habitually defiant. If discipline for bad behavior is either too lax or too strong, children may begin to act out.

Handling Discipline Appropriately

Like Goldilocks, you are looking for a way to handle things ‘just right.’ You don’t want to be too hard-nosed or too soft with your children. What you do want is to be prepared. Discipline doesn’t always have to work the same way, different children or different situations require different handling, but it does need to be swift and final. You should have some general strategies for discipline in place before you think you will need them so that when the time comes you can act accordingly.

The longer you hesitate or dither, the longer your child’s defiance continues and the more heated the situation becomes. Your child must know beyond a shadow of a doubt that their misbehavior will result in your action. Otherwise there is no reason for them to listen to you at all. As for how you discipline your child, try fitting the punishment to the crime. If your child misbehaves in a toy store or park, threaten to remove them and place them in a time out.

Handling Defiance in the Long Term

Once you have acted to end your child’s defiant behavior for the time being, take some time to consider what may have caused the behavior in the first place. Experts suggest that defiance can be caused by hunger and other chemical and physical stresses. It can also be caused by an outside event that has an effect on your child’s emotions making them want to lash out. Finally, your child might not mean to be defiant at all—they may simply have neglected to hear you or to recall and instruction. That is why it is important to consider the source of your child’s behavior.

You may not have time to do this before you act to stop the behavior, but afterward you should take note of potential causes and look for patterns. This can help you identify problem areas for your child and work on them before things reach the level of a power struggle between parent and child. With the joint application of swift discipline and swifter behavior analysis you will be able to work through your child’s defiance issues.