Here’s What Experts Think You Should Know About Permissive Parenting

Out of the four main parenting styles, permissive parenting is the most lenient. Authoritarian and authoritative both value structure, but vary in how much they nurture. Uninvolved parenting is neglectful, with very little interaction or guidance. Permissive parenting, however, isn't quite in the middle and does offer flexibility in rules. Like any parenting style, permissive parenting comes with its own challenges. Here's what every parent needs to know about permissive parenting.

Permissive Parenting: Where Did It All Begin?

Researchers Diana Baumrind, Eleanor Maccoby, and John Martin first identified the textbook parenting styles. Originally, there were three styles: Authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive. According to their definitions, each style reflects how much control parents exert on their children. Baumrind's research in 1967 outlined permissive parenting as the most lax of the three. This parenting style does share similarities with authoritative, which enforces structure with open communication.

While other styles exert some form of control, permissive parenting ignores this completely. It's classified as “indulgent” with very few rules, if any. Whereas authoritative parenting presents a set of rules with a nurturing environment, permissive parenting is all nurture, no rules. This can be problematic for a myriad of reasons.

The Harsh Reality of Permissive Parenting

A more laid-back approach to parenting naturally means fewer rules. When a child reacts angrily toward a situation, the permissive parent gives little to no consequences. Unfortunately, the lack of discipline in this parenting style often results in more aggressive children. Children need corrective behavior from their parents to learn how to regulate their emotions, so those raised by permissive parents are prone to more outbursts. This is reflected in a child's relationship with their friends and other family members, especially following disagreements. Children may lash out or deal with their emotions more violently during arguments.

Verywell Mind describes permissive parenting as having low demands with high responsiveness. This means children are shown love and affection but are given very few expectations regarding their behavior. On the outside, this gives the appearance of spoiling the child while permitting them to live without rules. The result is a nurturing parent-child relationship with little respect or regard for others. Other characteristics of this parenting style include:

• Prioritizing freedom over responsibility and discipline
• Bribery as a means to convince children to do chores
• Emphasis on friendship over traditional parenting
• Little to no consequences for actions
• No structure or schedule to follow
• Little to no restrictions on lifestyle, diet, and recreational activities

Can Permissive Parenting Still Be Beneficial?

Permissive parenting has many negatives but can foster loving relationships between a parent and their child. Permissive parents are typically warm and caring, which is a stark contrast to uninvolved parents. While the two share a lack of rules, the former does have its pros. This style comes from a place of discomfort with setting boundaries. Rather than laying down house rules, parents default to encouraging independence and freedom. Naturally, children raised with this type of parenting style lack responsibility and discipline but can also exhibit some positive core traits.

More Creative Personalities

A natural result of lack of consequences is the freedom of expression. Under a permissive parent, children are fully independent. They express themselves without fear of punishment, which fosters a creative mind. For example, a child might pick an outfit to wear on their own, but it includes clothes that belong to their siblings. A permissive parent wouldn't reprimand them and may not even acknowledge the behavior. Therefore, the child may grow up with a strong sense of self-worth and confidence but face no punishment for borrowing without asking.

This same rule applies to children with artistic streaks. If a child finger-paints on the furniture, a permissive parent might praise their art rather than punish them. The child won't face the consequences of staining the furniture, but will be positively encouraged to lean into creativity.

A Deeper Parent-Child Relationship

Discipline is not the primary goal of permissive parenting. Rather, love and nurturing take the place of punishments. Children and their parents can build strong bonds even without learning the consequences of their actions. Parents bond with their children over emotional expression and creative needs.

Additionally, children may love their parents as they love their friends. Without structure, permissive parents appeal to their children through rewards, encouragement, or praise. Despite lacking a strong disciplinary hand, these actions stick with children as they grow into adulthood. It's uncertain if positive reinforcement is enough to counterbalance a lack of control, but it does increase a child's self-worth.

This Is What Experts Recommend

Due to the overwhelming evidence for how lack of discipline and structure can negatively impact children, experts tend to warn against permissive parenting styles. Nurturing and loving environments benefit a child, but a lack of boundaries breeds many issues. Permissive parenting results in a lack of self-regulation, preventing children from learning how to properly handle their emotions. It also inhibits their ability to learn basic skills, especially when interacting with others. Instead of avoiding setting any boundaries or rules, they should instead be framed in a positive light. Without structure, children may be independent but will also lack direction and a role model.

According to Baurmind's early research, authoritative parenting is the best approach. A balance of rules and certain freedoms allows children to be independent without being reckless. Authoritative parenting offers the best of both worlds, with a firm structure and a nurturing hand. This style is fair and provides guidance to children while keeping an open line of communication. Providing some room for mistakes while offering support — or discipline when needed — creates a well-balanced relationship.

The image featured at the top of this post is ©fizkes/Shutterstock.com.