Is Three Children Really That Awful? Here’s My Advice as a Mom of Three

When I was pregnant with our third baby last year, a lot of people (including my midwife, who has more than 10 kids) told me that the transition from two to three kids is the hardest. If you've ever wondered how difficult it is to have a third kid, you're not alone. Recently, on Reddit, a mom of two wanted to know: Is three children really that awful?

Her question was a response to seeing that, according to a survey of over 7,000 parents, moms of three are the most stressed of all. It makes sense – having three kids is a lot! But what's interesting is that the survey showed that moms of three are even more stressed than moms of four or more kids. Hence, the question about how awful it is to have three kids.

If you're a mom of one or two kids, you might have heard how difficult it is to transition from two to three. Even if you want to have a third, maybe you hesitate because of the horror stories you've heard. While I’m less than a year into this journey of being the mom of three, I’m here to give you some encouragement about what a joy it is to add a third to your family, even when things don't go the way you expected.

Why Is Having Three Kids So Stressful?

It might seem obvious why more kids equal more stress. Even if your children are your whole world, adding another little one to the bunch means more responsibility on you as the parent. But what's perplexing is that it's only moms of three kids who are the most stressed, not moms of more than three kids.

There are a lot of factors that can contribute to the stress a mom feels, such as whether she works outside the home, how supportive her partner is, and the age gap between her kids. In general, though, large families with four or more kids experience less stress because of the balance in responsibilities.

A study out of Norway in 2016 also revealed this to be true: there's less stress in larger families. While moms of three kids often find the number of children to be overwhelming, by the time they add a fourth, the oldest kids can help out more, and the kids can play with and entertain each other.

Being a mom of three really can be stressful! It can also be a joy to bring a third child into your family if you're equipped with the right tools and mindset. Here's my advice as a mom of three.

My Advice As a Mom of Three

When it comes to parenting, no aspect of it is one-size-fits-all. Having a third kid is going to be more difficult for some and easier for others. So much of the stress that comes with adding a new little one to your family has to do with the age difference between children, the health of your children, and your support system. Even still, as a mom who has dealt with many challenges during this time, this is the best advice I could give you when you're adding a third child to your family.

Lower Your Expectations

During your third pregnancy, you may have many expectations for what you're going to do or accomplish after your baby is born. Or even expectations for what you're going to get done before baby comes. The first piece of advice I could give you is to lower your expectations, honestly, in all areas of your life.

Not only can birth be unpredictable at times (I say this as a mom who gave birth in the car), but you have no idea how you're going to feel or how your other kids are going to deal with the addition of a new family member. I know that after my third baby was born, I didn't have a lot of expectations to begin with about what I would be able to do postpartum. And I'm glad that I didn't, because my toddler had a harder time dealing with the addition of a new baby than I expected.

Instead of having any grand plans for how you're going to deal with the transition, focus on taking it one day at a time and accepting the things you can't control (trust me, there will be a lot).

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

This one is easier said than done, but there's a lot you have to let go of with your third kid. With your first baby, you might care about things like having matching socks, documenting every milestone, and ensuring your baby gets exactly the right amount of tummy time each day.

A third baby definitely teaches you that the little things don't matter as much as you thought. You'll soon realize that even though you can't document every single moment, you're a more experienced mom than you were the first and second time around, and this time, you know that your love matters the most.

Embrace the Chaos

Just how much chaos ensues at your house will depend on the age and temperament of your other two children. In our house, there was certainly a lot of chaos. Instead of trying to fight it, embrace it. No, snuggling and cuddling your newborn the third time around isn't as peaceful as it was the first time. But it's also fun to experience the joy of seeing your other two kids be excited about their new sibling.

Instead of thinking about what's difficult this time around (like the lack of peace and quiet), focus on the peaceful moments you do get. Those quiet moments in the middle of the night when it's just you and your newborn. Or maybe the moments when your partner takes the other kids to the park so you can have a well-deserved nap.

Everything may seem like chaos at first, but remember that it's a time of transition for everyone – you, your spouse, and even your other kids. Things will calm down after a while once everyone starts to settle in.

Don't Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Asking for help doesn't always come easily to us moms. We tend to think we can do it all, even when we're barely holding it together as it is. When you add a third child to your family, asking for help is a vital part of keeping yourself sane.

Whether it's help from a friend or family member, or even help from your spouse, voicing your needs is important because others truly may not realize what's going on with you or what you need. Also, while some emotional fluctuations are normal during the early postpartum period, reach out for help if you think you may be at risk for postpartum depression.

Things Get Easier With Time

Before our third baby was born, there was more than one instance when my husband found me crying in the kitchen, wondering if I could really handle three kids. Pregnancy hormones were definitely to blame for some of the emotions, but if you're in the same boat, know that you're not alone. Three kids, especially three little kids, are a lot to handle.

What I want you to know is that every day I am reminded, things get easier with time. When you're stuck on the couch or in bed during the first couple of weeks of postpartum, everything may feel overwhelming. But before you know it, you'll be taking all three kids out and handling it like a champ. There will still be many difficult days, but when things feel the most difficult, remember those days will pass, and there will be more joy-filled days ahead.

How many kids you have is a personal decision, but to the mom wondering: Is three kids really that awful? Take it from a mom of three – another kid isn't just more chaos or more stress. It's also more snuggles. More love. More laughter. For every challenge that comes with having a third, there are even more blessings that make it all worthwhile.

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