Is Your Child Struggling With a Transition? Here’s What a Psychologist Recommends

A change in routine can be a challenge for some children, even when it's a positive one, such as travel or vacation. Heading back to school may be an especially difficult transition for many children. And some kids may have difficulties simply moving from one activity to another during their day.

We speak with an expert to find out why some kids seem to struggle more with transitions than others, and what parents can do about it.

Why Routines and Transitions Can Be Hard for Kids

We speak with child psychologist, Jacque Cutillo, Ph.D., LLP, LPC, LMHC, Director of Specialized Operations at Youth Villages in New England, for some insight into helping kids navigate life's changes. Dr. Cutillo explains, “Children, like adults, have different strengths and needs, and struggling with transitioning from one activity to another is a common challenge.”

Dr. Cutillo tells us that a consistent routine is important for some kids to feel comfortable. “Some children thrive on a consistent routine, and transitioning from one routine to another can feel taxing. The shift to a school year is typically full of new expectations: revised morning and evening routines, a new classroom and teacher, new peers, and potentially transitioning out of fun summer activities as they enter the learning environment.”

Furthermore, kids who have challenges socially or academically may begin to feel anxiety as they anticipate the start of a new school year. “Caregivers and schools alike can support in navigating this transition by increasing communication around what the day-to-day routine will look like, attending any meet and greet activities, starting conversations about feelings about transitions early, and problem-solving any identified challenges.”

How Changing Routines May Affect a Child’s Mood and Behavior

As a concerned parent, you might wonder what signs to watch out for if you suspect your child is having trouble with transitions. Dr. Cutillo explains that these signs may include a wide range of mood and behavior changes.

Parents may notice physical symptoms or changes in eating or sleep habits, according to Dr. Cutillo. “For example, a child experiencing anxiety regarding transitioning to school may report physiological symptoms such as a stomachache or headache.” These physical symptoms may include changes to eating or sleeping patterns as well. Additionally, you might notice your child asking more questions or acting more defiant than usual.

How the Collaborative Problem-Solving Method Helps Kids Gain the Skills They Need

Clinical psychologist, Dr. Ross Greene, developed a method for helping kids with behavior challenges called Collaborative Problem Solving. This is a method where parents and kids work together to solve problems. It views the issue not as a child who is “misbehaving,” but a child who is lacking skills.

The method emphasizes solving problems together rather than through punishment. It uses a three-step process:

1. Empathy
2. Defining the problem
3. Inviting solutions

Dr. Cutillo adds, “Collaborative Problem Solving is a philosophy and approach developed to reduce challenging behavior, increase skills, and build or maintain relationships between participants.” You don't have to be a trained psychologist to understand this method.

“Collaborative Problem Solving strategies can be used by anyone, and training is available in person and online. Caregivers can use regulating activities and calming conversation starters to try to uncover what specifically is bothersome regarding the transition.”

An Example of Collaborative Problem Solving

Dr. Cutillo explains what collaborative problem-solving may look like for parents. You may ask your child a question such as, “I’ve noticed you’ve asked a lot about what school will look like. What are you thinking about that?”

Don't be afraid to ask questions if you still don't understand what your child is telling you. “Caregivers should ask probing questions to try to uncover things that can be talked through or made easier regarding the transition. Caregivers are asked not to share their concerns regarding the situation until they fully understand the child’s perspective.  Because CPS allows the youth to be in the driver’s seat, it also puts the child in control of identifying solutions that may make their experience better.”

Coming up with solutions with your child, instead of deciding what's best for your child and telling them, helps them begin to gain the skills needed to solve their own problems. “Allowing the child to have autonomy in developing potential solutions also empowers them to think critically about what is bothering them and what may be helpful to them, further building their skills to be applicable in similar situations.”

When Should Parents Seek Help?

While parents can be equipped to support their child during a transition, there may be times when they need additional help. How can parents know when it's time to find a professional? Dr. Cutillo says, “Caregivers should seek professional support if there are significant mood or behavior changes such as adamant refusal to engage in school activities, increased aggression or withdrawal from activities, or signs of significant mental health distress (i.e., suicidality or self-harming). Additionally, sometimes it can be helpful to have professional support in navigating tricky transitions, even if your child is not experiencing significant distress.”

And finally, if you feel you need support, don't be afraid to reach out. “Involving an unbiased third party can help model and maintain regulation throughout conversations and can be a support to caregivers as well if they are feeling challenged having these conversations. It’s never a bad idea to seek support in navigating change.” 

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