Help Your Child Prepare for the Emotional Roller Coaster of a New School Year With These Expert Tips

Starting a new school year brings lots of different emotions for kids and adults. Depending on the age of the children, how they feel about school in general, and whether they're starting a new school or continuing at their current school, they could feel excited, anxious, scared, reluctant, or any number of other emotions. Hopefully, you've looked at our tips about how to prevent the summer slide, and your kids are looking forward to learning, making new friends, and getting back into a routine.

But even if they're having turbulent or negative feelings about starting school, you can find a lot of different ways to support them as they go into the new school year.

Start Talking About Going Back to School Early

Our school starts in four weeks, and we try to bring up school once or twice a week in our normal dinner time conversation. I want to keep track of how each kid is feeling so I can prepare for whatever might come down the pipeline. I already know there are worries about starting new advanced classes, which friends will be in their classes, and how much homework they will have. They're also excited about new clubs or sports they can now join, and moving up to a new grade.

Talk About and Validate Feelings About the New School Year

It's important to listen to how your child is feeling and validate those feelings. If your child is excited, you can ask what they're excited about and celebrate that with them. My son is thrilled to be starting a new advanced math class, so we sometimes bring out old math books to review and give him some time to warm up before school starts.

If your child is nervous or anxious, see if you can find out why and ease their fears about the new year. My daughter has a big group of friends, but only two of them were in her class last year. We have talked about how it's okay to feel sad if you don't have a lot of friends in your class, but you can also see that as an opportunity to get closer to a casual acquaintance or to become friends with someone new.

If Your Child Feels Excited About the New Year…

That's great! Now is the time to take advantage of their energy and take them back-to-school shopping, help them organize their supplies, and start instilling new routines. Talk about how you will get to school and what will be expected of them when they are there. You can even throw a back-to-school party to build excitement among siblings and friends.

Also, make sure you're managing expectations: My kids sometimes get so excited that they feel let down if not everything goes exactly as they had pictured it in their minds. Find a moment to remind your child that not everything about the school year will be perfect. They will have homework. They may lose a book or a paper, or they may not find the ideal group to hang out with at recess.

Explain that even if something goes wrong, they should stop and think about what they can do to resolve their problem. And if things go well, celebrate their victories!

If Your Child Feels Anxious About Going Back to School…

Remind them that we all feel anxious sometimes, and that's okay. Encourage deep breathing and mindfulness exercises. Mindfulness starts with reflecting on where you are right now and how you are feeling. Remind them that they can always check in on themselves if things get stressful.

Headspace, a mindfulness app, has a family section that shows parents how to help kids experiencing anxiety. Watch some of the videos for tips on how to help your child use mindfulness to get through their day, or to help them get to sleep on the night before a big day. Also, make sure you're checking your own emotions — kids will often mirror the feelings they see in their parents.

If Your Child is Starting Elementary School…

Many kids are excited about starting kindergarten, while others are nervous to leave home or preschool, where they knew everyone and were only responsible for playing and following the rules. Find a TV show, like Daniel Tiger or Arthur, to explain some of the feelings they might be experiencing. You can also read books, like “On The First Day of Kindergarten” or “The Night Before Kindergarten,” to give your kid a chance to ask questions as the plot progresses.

If Your Child Is Starting a New School Because They Graduated…

Going from elementary school to middle school or from middle school to high school can be challenging or exciting. Both of these times are fraught with changes in friendships, in physical growth and development, and in a lot of strong emotions as they're processing all the changes. Open communication is key to navigating the rough waters of moving up to a new school.

Ask if your child has any worries and try your best to address them head-on. If they're worried about losing their way at school, find a time to walk the building with them (and practice opening their locker) before school starts. If they are worried about making new friends, remind them that they have existing friends from elementary school, and that there will be many new people to make friends with. Even if they don't all like you, you're bound to find someone you get along with.

Avoid over-scheduling your child during this time of transition. Stick to the activities you know they like so you can accommodate increasing homework load and any social or emotional issues you may need to talk through.

If Your Child is Starting a New School Because Your Family Moved…

Make sure you take advantage of any opportunities your new school is providing, like meeting the teacher, back-to-school get-togethers, school tours, or counseling. This gives your kid a chance to meet a new friend or have a familiar face before school starts. Sign your kid up for sports or clubs they were involved with at their former school.

One of the easiest ways to make new friends is through common interests. And reinforce as many parts of their routine as you can before school starts or very early in the year. Check out our article on building a routine before school for some tips. Following a familiar pattern can ease the transition to a new space.

Take some time to watch Inside Out or Inside Out 2 (depending on your kid's age) so that they can identify any emotions they're having and tell you about them. These movies will also help them see that they're not the only ones who have gone through this!

Know When to Seek Help

If your child's anxiety lasts for more than two or three weeks, or if it evolves into physical pains like headaches or stomachaches, you may need to seek help. Talk to the school counselor or principal to see what they can do to help, or if they can recommend a doctor or therapist.

A mental health professional may be able to get to the root of the anxiety, and they may be able to work with your child through cognitive behavioral therapy or diagnose other issues, like OCD or learning disabilities. Check out resources like the Child Mind Institute to help you know what to do next.

Remember: This, Too, Shall Pass

Before you know it, the school year will be nearly over, and kids will have emotions about leaving their friends for the summer, or excitement about upcoming vacations. Whatever emotions your child experiences now won't last forever, even if it seems like they will in the moment!

The image featured at the top of this post is ©ANNA GRANT/Shutterstock.com