The Great Sleepover Debate: When Is Your Kid Ready?

Many parents have fun memories of their own childhood sleepovers. What you may not have realized during the silliness and excitement of spending the night with friends is that you were probably gaining some important skills.

At sleepovers, kids can practice their independence, learn to be flexible, and experience the world, at least for a short time, without mom and dad. But you don't want your child to rush into a situation they aren't ready for. We've got some tips to help you know if your child is ready, and also how you can manage your own anxiety.

What Is the Right Age for a Sleepover?

Experts agree that there is no one age at which every child is ready for a sleepover. Instead, it depends on the maturity level of your child. For example, if something goes wrong, you want your child to be old enough to be able to get hold of you and articulate what was happening. It's also best if your child is old enough to advocate for themselves and make responsible decisions.

Some parents begin allowing their children to spend the night with friends they know well, starting in later elementary school. Others may wait until middle school or until their child is a teenager.

Pediatricians and mental health professionals don't have a set rule on which age is best, but agree it's dependent on the situation and the child. You may feel more comfortable letting your 9-year-old sleep over at the house of a trusted family friend, but say no to a sleepover at a friend's house you aren't familiar with.

How to Plan for a Sleepover: Ask the Right Questions

One way to put your mind at ease is by making sure you have all the details before your child heads out the door. First, be sure they have your contact information in case of an emergency.

Some questions you may want to ask your child's friend's parents are:

• Who is in charge of supervising the children? Will you be home the entire time?
• Who else will be in the home during the sleepover?
• What types of movies, video games, etc., might the children be watching or playing?
• Do you keep guns in the house, and are they kept locked up?
• Where will the children be sleeping?

Talk to Your Child

Aside from getting the information from the other parents, you will want to sit down with your child and go over safety rules. Let your child know you will be checking in, even if they roll their eyes at you. At this time, talk to your child about boundaries and body safety. Even if they are familiar with “no touch” areas, go over them again.

If your child is heading to a home with different cultural observances or household dynamics, talk to them about what they might expect ahead of time.

Finally, you can give your child a code word. This way, if they want to go home for any reason, but are embarrassed to ask, they can text or call you with the code, and you will know they are ready to come home. You can make up an excuse and pick up your child without them feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed.

Still Feeling Nervous? Tips For Easing Your Own Anxiety About Your Child's Sleepover

So you have all the details about the sleepover, and you've had a safety talk with your child. They know you will be checking in, and they have a code word ready in case they need to come home early. Why then are you still feeling anxious? A child's first sleepover is a big deal, and it's normal to feel some amount of nervousness. The more information you have and the better prepared you are, the less anxious you will feel.

Remind yourself it's normal to feel emotional about your child's first sleepover. If your child has never been away this long before, you are bound to end up missing them, even if you thought you would be excited to have a break. Use this as an opportunity to practice self-care. Distracting yourself with a favorite activity while your child is gone is a great way to pass the time.

When To Listen To Your Gut

What if you're still feeling nagging anxiety, despite all your preparations? Sometimes you need to listen to your gut. It's okay to say no to a sleepover if you feel it's going to be unsafe or a bad choice for your child. It's also okay to wait a year or a few years if you think your child just isn't ready yet.

You can still let your child participate in the fun. One option is to offer to hold the sleepover at your house. Another idea is to let your child go to the party, but pick them up late, maybe 10 PM or 11 PM, before the children go to sleep. You could even bring them back the next morning if the kids were having breakfast or other morning activities together.

In the end, remember that you are the best judge of whether or not your child is ready for their first sleepover.

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