From Checked Out to Engaged: Identifying Why Kids Lose Interest in School This Time of Year

As parents, it’s hard to know what to do when you realize that your kids are checked out of school. You want them to do their best, but you don’t want to take the wrong approach and make things worse. Tact is essential in this delicate situation. In this guide, we’ll discuss many of the core reasons why your kids may be struggling in school and tips you can follow to get your youngsters back on the right track to finish off the school year strong.

Why Your Kids May Be Checked Out

The first step to solving the issue of checked-out kids is to understand why they’re struggling in school in the first place. Try not to assume the problem. Instead, sit your kids down and talk to them without accusations.

Ask them if they’re having any trouble in school, and take the conversation from there. Simply telling your kids to “try harder” will likely make the situation worse, and your kids may feel like you don’t actually care about how they feel. Even if you’re not getting a solid answer about why your kids are checked out, there are multiple possibilities you should consider:

Academic Gaps

You’ve likely heard stories about kids being passed on to higher grades even though they haven’t learned the necessary skills. That does happen, and you should ensure it doesn’t happen with your kids. Your kids may be checked out because they literally don't understand the lessons they’re learning, and they’re too afraid to ask for help. Pay attention to how they do their homework and consider a tutor if they need help. 

Attention Challenges

Another possibility is that your child may be experiencing attention problems due to a neurological difference. If your child has trouble paying attention at school and at home, speak to their pediatrician to discuss their symptoms. While not the only symptom, consistent trouble focusing can be a symptom of ADHD.

It’s also possible that your child can’t focus in school due to their situation. It could be as simple as not getting enough sleep at night. Ensure that kids get the recommended amount of sleep each night, based on their age.

If your child is getting enough sleep, it may be that they're overstimulated at school, making it hard for them to concentrate. If so, talk to the teacher about potential solutions. Consider if perhaps your child is bored in class and isn’t getting the stimulation they need. These are all potential factors you can learn by speaking to your child.

Emotional Factors

There may also be emotional factors that explain why your kids are checked out of school. Perhaps they're anxious about starting a new grade. They may be taking a class that they’re scared to fail in, or they know they won’t understand. There could also be issues with low self-esteem due to getting excessive negative feedback from teachers. Maybe they’re being bullied at school by classmates, which is affecting their self-perception. Talk to your kids and ask for the truth. Sometimes, family issues at home can blend into school work, so ensure that everything is okay on that front as well. 

Learning Style Mismatches

Many students are trying their best, but they’re struggling because there is a mismatch between how they’re being taught and how they prefer to learn. Some students enjoy being lectured to, while others prefer a more visual approach. Some students like to learn by getting hands-on. Speak to your child about how they like to learn, and ask the school whether the teachers can accommodate it.

Redefine Motivation

Once you’ve identified why your kids are checked out at school, you can start looking into solutions. One easy way to start is to redefine motivation and take small steps. The wrong move would be to strong-arm your child and tell them to get their grades up, or they're in trouble. That will likely make the problem worse.

Instead, think about small efforts. Start with their homework. If you sit down with your child and they’re willing to try to understand the topic while doing homework, it could lead to success at school. Some students get so frustrated that they’re not even willing to try, so when they express that willingness, celebrate it. From there, keep an eye on the situation. If your student is making gradual improvements, then make a big deal out of them so they’re eager to try and reach the next milestone.

Build a Connection

The next big step is to build a connection with your child so they can tell that you’re really trying to help. Start by showing empathy. Don’t come down too hard on your kids. Instead, say things like “I can see that school feels really hard right now” or “You’re not the only kid who struggles with things like this.” Then, let your child respond and go from there. When in doubt, put yourself in their shoes. There was likely a time during your educational journey when you struggled. Think back to that time when you’re trying to connect with your son or daughter.

You can also connect by asking open-ended questions. Questions like: “What’s the hardest part of school?” or “Which subject feels the easiest, and why?” may provide you with the information you need. Let your child know there are no wrong answers and see where the conversation goes.

Set Smaller, Achievable Goals

Even as adults, setting lofty goals can often result in failure. The only way to truly succeed is to set several achievable short-term goals, or stepping stones, to reach your main long-term goal. Then, when you accomplish the short-term goals, you’ll be more motivated to continue. The same goes for your youngsters. Upon learning that your kids are checked out, set some short-term goals. They can include things like striving to turn in their homework on time, even if it’s not perfect, or making a point of asking for help whenever they’re confused. 

You can also break larger assignments into smaller steps. This is especially important in subjects like math and science when things can get complicated fast. Start with the basics and don’t move forward until your child understands that portion. There are various checklists you can find online that can help to break down the assignments. When your child does complete one of their goals, make sure to celebrate. A celebration can be as simple as a hug or a dessert.

If you have two children who are checked out of school, never pit them against each other. Instead, celebrate their individual wins. Each child should have their own goals to achieve.

Strategies to Improve Focus and Engagement

There are many strategies you can follow when you discover that your kids are checked out and need to get back on track. 

Create a Distraction-Free Study Area

The reason why your kids are checked out may simply be because they aren’t able to concentrate on their work when they’re studying at home. Create a quiet place in your home that’s free of distractions and unnecessary noise. Limit screen time in this area. You may even make TV off limits until the school work is complete. 

Short Work Sessions

Ensure that you have a consistent homework time so your kids know exactly what to expect. Allow your kids a few minutes to decompress after school, but then it’s time to hit the books. However, be cautious about having them work for hours at a time, or they may get burned out. Consider 10-20 minute blocks. Between them, have your kids get up, stretch, and possibly even go outside for some fresh air. 

Work With Them

When you permit this study time, don’t send your kids away to work on their own. Instead, work with them. Read along with them in the text. Think with them out loud as they work on their tasks. You may even decide to take a break to play a memory game or puzzles to keep their minds sharp.

Partner With The School

If you’ve tried everything and your kids still seem to be checked out of school well before the summer season, it may be time to talk to the experts. Ask the teachers if you can have a meeting with them. During your meeting, ask the teachers about their experience with your child. What’s their classroom behavior like? Do they pay attention? Are there any bad influences borrowing their attention? Get some answers and go from there. 

During your discussions, you can also propose possible solutions. Maybe your kids can get extra tutoring after school or more time to complete their assignments. Perhaps they can get preferred seating, potentially closer to the front of the class or away from the windows. Teachers and principals are always willing to help, so get them involved.

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