Are We Overparenting? Here’s What Experts Want Parents to Know

For years, terms like helicopter parenting and intensive parenting have dominated conversations about modern family life. These approaches are often rooted in love, good intentions, and a desire to shield children from hardship or failure. No one wants their child upset. Parents who adopt these styles often see themselves as protectors and advocates, stepping in to guide schoolwork, manage friendships, or even prevent disappointment. Despite the good intentions, experts suggest that what feels like protection in the moment may actually create long-term obstacles to healthy growth.

In this article, we explore what overparenting is and how it shows up in everyday life, drawing on insights from leading experts. Together, we’ll look at the potential long-term consequences it can have on children’s growth, independence, and resilience. Finally, we’ll discuss practical strategies for finding a healthier balance, supporting children while still allowing them the space to learn, make mistakes, and thrive.

Overparenting Defined

Helicopter parenting refers to those who hover over their children, closely monitoring their every move, managing many of their choices, and often stepping in to prevent mistakes or failures. It goes beyond being involved and shifts into being overly involved, structuring playtime, negotiating friendships, and even intervening in conflicts that children could otherwise work out on their own.

In the short term, intensive parenting or helicopter parenting can appear helpful. Children raised under this style often perform well academically, stay safe, and avoid some of the risks associated with greater independence. Yet these benefits may come at a cost.

Children may miss opportunities to develop coping skills such as problem-solving, conflict resolution, and decision-making, since parents are handling those challenges for them. Over time, constant monitoring can also send the unintended message that the world is unsafe or that the child is not capable of handling difficulties on their own, leading to higher anxiety levels.

What the Experts Say

We speak with Clinical Psychologist, Dr. James Thatcher of Forest Psychological Clinic in Portland, Oregon, to discuss the research behind overparenting. You can learn more about Dr. Thatcher's practice on Instagram and Dr. Thatcher on YouTube. 

“Helicopter parenting, sometimes called over-parenting or intensive parenting, emerges from a place of deep care and good intentions, but research shows it can have unintended negative consequences for children’s development,” says Thatcher. “While these parents often aim to protect and guide their children, excessive control can inadvertently communicate a different message,” says Thatcher. 

Thatcher explains that your child may get the message that you think they can't handle it on their own. Over time, this can undermine a child’s confidence, resilience, and ability to problem-solve independently. Thatcher cites a systematic review titled “Helicopter Parenting and Its Relationship to Anxiety and Depression Symptoms,” published in Frontiers in Psychology. 

“In my own clinical practice, I’ve seen how this plays out with families,” Thatcher says. “When parents approach therapy with a helicopter style, they often want to control not just their child’s outcomes, but even the direction of therapy itself. This makes progress difficult because therapy is, at its core, a process between the child and me.”

“Much of my work with these families involves gently coaching parents to let go, helping them tolerate the anxiety that arises when they give their child space to struggle, make mistakes, and learn. I remind parents that their ultimate job is to raise a functioning adult, and that controlling too much now actually hinders the growth they most want for their child.”

There's plenty of research to back up these claims, as studies have consistently linked helicopter parenting to higher levels of anxiety, depression, and difficulties with emotional regulation. A 2022 systematic review found that across diverse cultures, children raised under helicopter parenting styles reported more mental health challenges compared to their peers with greater autonomy.

The Long-Term Consequences

As children transition into adolescence and adulthood, the ramifications of overparenting become increasingly significant. Research indicates that young adults reared in highly controlling environments often face heightened levels of anxiety and depression.

This emotional turmoil can stem from a lack of autonomy during their formative years, which inhibits their ability to make decisions independently. When parents consistently intervene or make choices for their children, those children may struggle to trust their own judgment, leading to persistent self-doubt and diminished self-confidence.

Another critical area impacted by overparenting is the ability to cope with failure. Resilience, the ability to bounce back from setbacks, is cultivated through experiences that challenge children. When parents excessively shield their children from failure, they inadvertently prevent them from learning vital coping strategies. As a result, young adults may find themselves overwhelmed when confronted with challenges in college, at work, or within relationships. Without the skills to navigate disappointment, they may resort to avoidance strategies, further exacerbating feelings of inadequacy.

Interestingly, some studies suggest that intensive parenting can yield a few short-term physical health benefits, such as the establishment of healthier routines and structured activities. However, these initial advantages are often eclipsed by the long-term psychological costs.

Overparented children may exhibit lower coping skills and a diminished sense of self-efficacy, the belief in their ability to effect change in their lives. Moreover, they may develop a weaker internal locus of control, leading them to feel that external factors dictate their outcomes rather than their own actions.

Thatcher emphasizes the importance of balance in parenting. While structure and involvement are indeed crucial for healthy development, an excess of control can stifle personal growth. The challenge lies in finding a middle ground where parents can provide guidance and support without encroaching on their children’s ability to develop independence.

Encouraging children to take risks, face challenges, and learn from their mistakes fosters resilience, ultimately equipping them with the tools needed to navigate life’s complexities.

Finding a Balance

A balanced parenting style emphasizes being present, available, and encouraging, while still giving children the independence to make mistakes and solve problems on their own. Unlike overparenting, which leads parents to hover and control, supportive parenting provides a steady foundation without taking over.

In this model, parents act more like coaches than managers, supplying the tools, guidance, and encouragement children need, but ultimately stepping back and allowing them to step onto the field themselves.

Supportive parenting doesn’t require a complete overhaul of family routines. Instead, small, intentional steps can create meaningful shifts.

Here are some ways to promote balance:

• Encouraging independence– Let children handle age-appropriate responsibilities, such as packing their own school bag or preparing a simple snack.
• Fostering problem-solving– Give kids space to work through minor conflicts with peers, stepping in only if the situation becomes unmanageable.
• Reframing mistakes– Talk openly about errors as valuable learning opportunities, helping children see that failure is not something to fear but an essential part of growth.

When practiced consistently, these small changes build resilience, confidence, and a stronger sense of capability in children, qualities that prepare them to navigate challenges well into adulthood.

Conclusion

“At its core, overparenting can stunt emotional development by depriving children of opportunities to learn through mistakes. Independence and resilience grow when children are trusted to navigate challenges on their own,” Thatcher says.

When parents step in too quickly or too often, children may internalize a sense of inadequacy, leading to lower self-esteem and poorer coping skills later in life. Overall, research strongly supports the idea that autonomy-supportive parenting, not overprotection, is key to long-term well-being.

Helicopter or intensive parenting usually comes from good intentions, but it can carry long-term drawbacks that limit children’s independence and resilience. By shifting toward supportive parenting, families can help kids grow into confident, capable adults who are better prepared to navigate life’s challenges.

The image featured at the top of this post is ©La Famiglia/Shutterstock.com