Are Helicopter Parents Too Protective? Here’s What You Need to Know

Before the 1990s, parents didn't often plan “playdates” for their children. It wasn't that long ago that children playing after school involved them running out the front door without a care in the world to see who else was wandering the neighborhood. But, by the 2000s, parenting looked a whole different than it had just a few years prior.

Research tells us that today's parents are spending more time with their children than ever before. While overall this is a good thing, you might wonder – can it sometimes be overdone? Are we trying too hard to manage our children's lives, causing them to miss out on opportunities to figure things out for themselves, even when it means they might fail? After all, failure can lead to some of the best lessons. But helicopter parents, ever vigilant, don't even give their children the chance to fall. When children don't fall, how can they ever learn how to pick themselves up again? Let's look at what the experts say about how helicopter parenting can impact children.

Opinions Aside: What Is Helicopter Parenting?

Helicopter parenting, also known as lawnmower, snowplow, or cosseting parenting, is not a new concept. The first mention we can find of helicopter parenting was in a 1969 book written by Dr. Haim Ginott. In the book, “Between Parent and Teenager,” a teen reported that his mother would “hover” over him, like a “helicopter.”

Helicopter parenting looks different at different ages. When a child is young, a helicopter parent may closely follow their little ones at the park, making sure they are closely supervised on the equipment. As a child grows older, a helicopter parent may select their child's friends, plan their activities, and work on school projects for them.

This type of parenting doesn't end when a child leaves the house and goes to college. For some parents, this can even be a time when they go into overdrive, trying to oversee every aspect of their child's life. In the past, college kids were pretty much on their own. Long-distance calling was expensive and rarely used. Occasional letters would be sent back and forth, but parents often wouldn't have a real conversation with their college-age kid until they came home for Thanksgiving.

But today, technology and GPS tracking on phones make it impossible for kids to truly be on their own. From parents contacting professors regarding their kids' grades to tracking their children's movements on their phones, many parents remain highly-involved beyond the age of 18.

Are We Keeping Kids Safe or Holding Them Back?

It may have a bad reputation, but helicopter parenting isn't all bad. There are both pros and cons for children of over-involved parents.

Some of the negative consequences for children that can occur with helicopter parenting include:

• Low self-esteem
• Lack of coping skills
• Anxiety
• Sense of entitlement
• Inability to self-advocate
• Lack of life skills

On the other hand, there are some positives. These children know they are loved and supported. Their parents are usually involved in their schoolwork and know exactly what they're working on. If a child is struggling with a class or social issues like bullying, they have support from their parents.

Offering support and guidance allows your child to feel important and cared for. But it can be hard to know when to back off and let your child make their own mistakes. Although it's tempting, jumping in to help your child every time they are struggling keeps them from learning how to handle disappointment and frustration.

Parenting in the Modern World Requires a New Approach

Helicopter parents want what's best for their children, but they have a different way of going about it compared to other parenting styles, such as free-range parenting. Some of the factors that can lead a parent to adopt a more protective parenting style include anxiety, overcompensation, and competition with other parents.

It's also worth noting that today's parents are highly stressed. According to a report published by US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, “41% of parents say that most days they are so stressed they cannot function and 48% say that most days their stress is completely overwhelming.”

Parenting stress doesn't end when a child turns 18, especially considering how financial stress is a real problem for today's families. In 1980, the average cost of a public four-year college was $804 per year. Today, it's nearly $10,000 on average, and that's for an in-state public school. Out-of-state or private universities can range from around $30,000 to nearly $100,000. While in 1980, a parent may have been able to justify letting a child fail a college course to learn a lesson, it's difficult to make that same decision today.

How to Strike the Right Balance for Your Kids

How can you have enough involvement with your children to make sure they're safe, while still giving them the space to make mistakes and learn the life skills they'll need when they're on their own? As hard as it may be, this means stepping back and letting your child struggle. Experts agree, it's okay for a child to experience disappointment, but you can be there to support and guide them through it.

The image featured at the top of this post is ©Nicoleta Ionescu/Shutterstock.com.