Being a Mom With Anxiety Isn’t Easy. This Is How I Cope as a Mom of Three.

Being a parent isn't easy, no matter what you're dealing with in your life. It requires you to give so much of yourself — your time, your energy, and even your sleep. But when you're dealing with challenges such as your trauma from your childhood or mental illness, it can be even more difficult.

It took me years to realize how much my anxiety was impacting me after my first child was born. Now, with three kids, I've had to learn ways to cope when life becomes overwhelming, so that I can provide my children with the support they need.

If you had a less-than-perfect childhood yourself, you probably want nothing more than to give your own children the magical and care-free childhood you wish you had. But sometimes, our personal struggles can get in the way of that, even when we're trying our best. For the mom who's struggling with anxiety or just finding it hard to cope with the stress of daily life, know that you're not alone. Here are the ways I take care of myself so that I can be there for my kids.

How I Cope as a Mom With Anxiety

Any mom who has experienced significant anxiety knows that it can be all-consuming. Whether you're dealing with generalized anxiety disorder or postpartum anxiety, it's so easy to get lost in the fog. When you can't escape the racing thoughts or the “what ifs,” it can feel like you're on a raft, floating in the middle of the sea. Except as a parent, you're on that raft with one, two, three, or more kids looking to you to rescue them.

There's a reason why, in an airplane emergency, you're instructed to put your oxygen mask on first. You can't take care of your children if you can't breathe yourself.

When it comes to mental illness, whether it's situational or you've experienced it your whole life, there's no quick fix. It's not as simple as practicing self-care to make it better. However, I've learned that there are things I can do to make my life easier as a mom who struggles with chronic anxiety. If I could go back in time and meet myself as a new mom, this is what I would tell her to do.

Work From a Place of Rest 

One of the ways anxiety manifests for me is a strong desire to be productive. Sometimes, it's due to a fear that things won't get done if I stop working or that I’ll do a bad job if I take a break. What I’ve had to learn (definitely the hard way) is that rest isn't something we have to earn. Instead of resting after we work, we should work from a place of rest.

It's far more effective and productive to start work, no matter what tasks you have to get done, when you start with a well-rested body and mind. Let's face it, being a working mom is no walk in the park. And even if you're a stay-at-home mom, the responsibilities you carry may seem endless. Take a little bit of time each day to do things that fill your cup — you'll find it's easier to be present when you're not running on empty.

Take Care of Yourself

Self-care isn't just some trendy buzzword that brands use to get you to buy their face masks and bath bombs. True self-care is a necessity, especially for moms who struggle with anxiety.

This goes deeper than just getting a pedicure. Self-care might look like practicing mindfulness to become more aware of how you're feeling and how your current situation is affecting you. It can also look like writing down your thoughts in a journal, talking to a trusted friend when you're feeling down, or fueling your body with healthy foods that give you energy.

Get Moving

Exercise is good for more than just your physical health — it can be incredibly beneficial for your mental health as well. There's plenty of evidence that shows regular exercise can boost your mood, improve your sleep, and even enhance your brain power.

While many people hate running, it has always been an activity that helps me clear my head. If you're not a fan of running, you could take a walk in nature, ride a bike, or go to the gym instead. No matter how you choose to exercise, find a way to get your body moving. Exercise can ease anxiety symptoms by releasing endorphins and helping you take your mind off all the racing thoughts.

Take a Breather When You Need It

Taking a break or knowing when to walk away from a situation isn't a sign of weakness. By doing this in front of your kids, you're showing them a healthy way of dealing with their emotions as well. Verbalizing what you're doing can even be a powerful teaching tool. When you say something like, “I'm going to take a minute to calm down, then we can talk about this,” you're showing them that it's okay to take time to process your feelings.

You usually know when you're getting close to your limit of frustration. Although it's not always possible, try to walk away before you reach that point. Even if the best you can do is get a few minutes alone in the other room, this will prevent you from overreacting and becoming more triggered by your kids’ behavior or the environment.

Let Your Kids See Your Strength

As a mom who struggles with anxiety, I can say that one of the thoughts that frequently crosses my mind is: Am I making them anxious too? Did they notice the look on my face, the shift in my body language, the crack in my voice when they were about to do something risky, or every time they try something new?

When you struggle with anxiety, it can be challenging not to project it on your kids, leading to them feeling anxious about trying new things. But I know that overcoming anxiety is also a display of strength. I hope that when my kids see me doing things that scare me, they'll believe that they can overcome their fears, too. Every time you push past your fears, you're teaching your kids to be brave.

Get Help When You Need It

If you're struggling, whether things are just tough right now or you think you may be dealing with postpartum anxiety or another anxiety disorder, know there's no shame in getting the help you need. Being a mom isn't easy. Part of being the best mom you can be is also taking care of yourself.

If you can't find the strength to ask for help for your own sake, do it for your kids. You may not realize it now, but making that doctor's appointment, starting therapy, or even calling a friend may be what changes the direction of your life.

For the Mom Who Has Anxiety

If you're a mom who struggles with anxiety or another mental illness, know that you're not alone. You may become frustrated and be tempted to tell yourself that you should be able to handle these things better, but when you have the opportunity, offer yourself grace. Be kind to yourself. Remember that you are often doing the best you can and that there's always an opportunity to get up and try again.

Struggling with anxiety doesn't make you a bad mom. Going to therapy or taking medication for your anxiety doesn't make you a bad mom. Your desire to heal so you can give your kids the best childhood possible is what makes you a great mom.

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