Welcoming a new baby is an exciting time. However, it can be a little confusing, and perhaps even scary, for little ones who aren't accustomed to sharing their parents' attention. We speak with a parenting expert for tips and advice on how to have the smoothest transition possible while continuing to nurture your relationship with your older child as well.
Devon Kuntzman, parenting expert, ICF-certified coach, and author of “Transforming Toddlerhood,” offers parents some valuable tips on preparing your toddler for baby number two.
Reading books about new babies can help children understand what to expect while you're still pregnant.
©Tomsickova Tatyana/Shutterstock.com
When to Tell Your Toddler You're Pregnant
There is no right or wrong answer for the exact timing of when to share your pregnancy news with your little one. Some people choose to wait until the second or third trimester, while others prefer to tell their child much earlier.
Until you break the news, be careful not to let your little one overhear conversations about the new baby. Once you are ready, be prepared for questions, but you may find that keeping it simple is the best method.
As for how much to share, Kuntzman recommends staying straightforward and positive. “The earlier you start talking about the new baby on the way, the better,” she says. “Keep it developmentally appropriate, but give your toddler just enough information without overwhelming them. That could be as simple as ‘A baby is growing in my belly.' You can also create a countdown calendar as the due date approaches to make it more exciting and celebratory.”
Letting Your Little One Prep for the Baby’s Arrival Can Go a Long Way
Devon Kuntzman is a parenting expert, ICF-Certified coach, and author of “Transforming Toddlerhood.”
©
There are many ways you can let your little one in on prepping for the baby's arrival. This will help them to feel involved and excited for their new sibling. Kuntzman tells us, “Be sure to involve your toddler in the process. Let them help pick out baby clothes or fold baby socks. The more we can appeal to a toddler’s natural developmental drive to feel capable, have a sense of control, and have a role in the family, the easier the transition will be.”
Toys and Books Can Also Help
We asked Kuntzman for suggestions on toys or books to help your child work through their understanding of the change that is coming. She says, “I always recommend that you buy your toddler a baby doll, whether they are a boy or a girl. Having a baby doll increases your child’s social-emotional awareness and can give them a baby to take care of once their new sibling arrives.”
Books are also a great idea. According to Kuntzman, “Reading books is an excellent way for a toddler to learn about what it means to be a big sibling and help them work through some of their emotions about this big change.”
Kuntzman shared with us her list of book recommendations:
- “I Am a Big Brother by Caroline Jayne Church“
- “I Am a Big Sister by Caroline Jayne Church“
- “Lovevery Baby Is Coming (Tricky Topics)“
- “Lovevery Baby Is Here (Tricky Topics)“
Introduce the Concept of Sharing Before the Baby Arrives
A big change for an only child is learning to share attention with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others. Kuntzman suggests helping your child to start thinking about this change early on. “You can absolutely introduce this idea and give some examples, such as ‘Sometimes the baby will cry to tell us they are hungry. Mommy will sit down and feed the baby.' Then you could talk about what your toddler can do during that time to make it feel positive.”
No matter how you prepare, remember to give yourself some grace. Despite your best intentions, there will still be challenging moments. Kuntzman explains, “Don’t expect your toddler not to struggle in the moment. Toddlers are impulsive and still highly dependent on us to meet their physical and emotional needs, so they won’t be thinking logically when they have big emotions or an unmet need.”
Don’t Rush Major Milestones Before the Baby Is Born
It can be tempting to want to jump-start potty training or other big transitions before the baby comes. However, unless your little one is developmentally ready for the change, it could cause them to get overwhelmed.
Kuntzman explains, “Having a new sibling is a huge change for the entire family, especially for a toddler. I don’t recommend prioritizing other changes, such as potty training or moving to a toddler bed, just because a baby is coming. It can be too much for some children to handle all at once and making everyone's life more challenging. It’s best to look at your child’s level of development and readiness to make transitions go more smoothly.”
What to Do Once the Baby is Here
Finally, we asked Kuntzman how moms can take care of themselves while caring for two small children. She stresses the importance of caring for your own needs as well as your family's. “Most days, it's impossible to meet everyone’s needs at the same time, so sometimes you have to prioritize needs, including your own.”
“Having a baby is a big deal. It’s vital to look after your physical and emotional well-being first. Know that you are all human, and tears will happen. But tears aren’t a sign of failure; they are part of how we process emotions, and there is nothing wrong with that.”
When Will Life Settle Down to a Normal Routine?
With patience and thoughtfulness, you can help your little one adjust to a new member of your family.
©FamVeld/Shutterstock.com
The truth is, every toddler is going to respond differently to a new baby. “Sometimes you will notice a shift in your toddler’s behavior before the baby. For other kids, it happens as soon as the baby arrives or maybe even 3 to 6 months down the line. Your toddler’s adjustment to having a new sibling will go up and down. This adjustment is not linear,” Kuntzman says.
“There isn’t a specific amount of time for this adjustment period for you or your toddler. Things may be smooth sailing for a while, then the seas may get rough out of nowhere for a bit. This is typical. Instead of focusing on how long it will last, focus on how you can help yourself and your toddler cope.”
At the end of the day, the transition is going to take time for you and your toddler. Don't rush the process — and remember to take care of your own emotional needs, too.
The image featured at the top of this post is ©alinabuphoto/Shutterstock.com