If You’ve Got a Picky Eater, These Tips from an Expert Might Save Your Sanity

Getting my (hungry) child to eat is one of the hardest things I have to do as a parent. Since the day my now-7-year-old son was born, feeding him has been difficult. We had a stressful time breastfeeding, filled with many moments of him screaming and me crying. Things got a little easier once he started solids. Still, I could barely get him to eat a vegetable — and never anything green. As he got older, his limited list of acceptable foods seemed to grow even smaller. He doesn't even like things most kids enjoy eating, such as mac and cheese, chicken nuggets, and frozen pizza (although restaurant pizza is his favorite).

I’ll never forget the day I broke down crying in his pediatrician’s office, and she assured me that he’s getting all the nutrients he needs from his diet of yogurt, strawberries, oranges, and a few other favorites, plus a daily multivitamin. So, you're telling me I don’t have to fight with him every single night about trying some of the family dinner — I can just embrace the foods he does like and call it good? Talk about a huge weight lifted off my shoulders!

When I had more kids, I realized that, to some degree, it’s not what the parents do but who the child is that determines their level of picky eating. Although my 3-year-old and 6-year-old sons will eat more foods than my eldest, they still don’t particularly like trying new things, which can be extremely frustrating. How do we kick the picky eater habit and get them to fall in love with a variety of nutritious options? To find out, I talked to an expert for advice.

Dena Kelly, MA, licensed professional counselor, board-certified behavior analyst, and founder and CEO of Focused Approach, shared some tips on kicking the picky eater habit, no matter how old your child is.

Start as an Infant

If you can, do your best to introduce many different types of foods to your little one while they are a baby.

“Early exposure to a variety of foods helps prevent rigidity and food selectivity later on,” Kelly explains. “A varied diet also ensures that children are receiving the nutrients they need for optimal physical and cognitive development.”

Getting your baby used to trying new things even has benefits beyond picky eating. “Learning to accept new foods builds behavioral flexibility — an important skill for adapting to new environments, routines, and social settings,” she says.

The CDC recommends introducing new foods to your baby again and again. Even if they refuse at first, they may eventually decide they like them.

Stay Consistent

One of the best things you can do with your picky eater is to remain consistent. “Predictability reduces anxiety — for both kids and adults,” Kelly says. “When children know what to expect at mealtimes, they’re less likely to feel out of control, and we reduce the likelihood of power struggles or emotional escalations.”

For me, mealtime is unpredictable: one night I expect my kid to try new foods, and the next I give in and let him have cereal for dinner because I’m too tired to argue. But building routines and creating predictable expectations can help curb this behavior and keep everyone on the same page.

“Clear expectations create structure, and structure builds success,” Kelly says.

She also offered some tips to set effective mealtime expectations:

• Eliminate Grazing: “It is so easy to get in an eating on demand pattern, but constant grazing or consistent snacking of non-nutritive foods leads to decreased feeling of hunger,” Kelly explains. “If a child doesn’t feel hungry, they are less likely to try something new.”
• Establish a Routine: Does dinner look the same for your family every night? Kelly suggests making sure that your meals happen at consistent times, in the same location, and follow a predictable pattern, such as wash hands, sit at the table, eat, and clean up. “Routines help regulate behavior by reducing surprises,” she explains.
• Use Visuals or Schedules: For both younger children and neurodivergent children, she suggests creating a visual schedule to signal when it’s time to sit at the table to eat.
• Keep Instructions Simple and Positive: “Instead of saying ‘Don’t throw your food,’ say ‘Food stays on the plate,’” Kelly recommends. “Positive phrasing is clearer and more effective.”
• Practice Ahead of Time: Don’t make every meal a lecture on eating — prep your child beforehand instead. “Talk about expectations outside of mealtime when emotions are neutral,” Kelly says. “You can role-play or rehearse what mealtime should look like.”

Practical Tips to Help Picky Eaters & Avoid Trauma

The last thing you want to do is traumatize your child around food. So, how do you help them in a healthy way?

A 2020 study on picky eaters published in Pediatrics found some interesting tidbits about picky eaters. For starters, these kids’ eating habits don’t generally affect their growth. Another finding was that the more positive experiences parents create around mealtime, the better. This means having family meals, not forcing children to eat, and involving your child in meal planning and preparation.

A secondary observation brought up in the study was that many children who have difficulty controlling their emotions tended to be picky eaters, meaning this could be a symptom of a deeper issue that can be addressed with your child’s pediatrician.

According to a 2020 study in the Proceedings of the Nutrition Society journal, parents can also help by repeatedly exposing their child to unfamiliar foods, modeling healthy eating themselves, and creating positive social experiences during mealtimes.

More Things to Try

For more tips, Kelly suggested parents try the following with their kids:

1. Reduce Emotion Around Mealtime. Kelly emphasizes the importance of this tip. “Mealtimes can easily become emotionally charged, especially when feeding challenges are involved.” This is definitely true for my family, as my son will start getting stressed before we even ask everyone to sit around the table.

Kelly continues, “It’s very common for parents to feel pressure for their child to eat, while the child may experience anxiety or fear around trying new foods. When both parties become heightened, we often see a behavioral escalation loop, where the child’s stress is met with matching emotional intensity from the parent. This can lead to frustration, power struggles, and a cycle where everyone walks away feeling defeated — and the food remains uneaten.”

Instead, Kelly wants parents to remember one thing: “Anxiety doesn’t respond to reasoning.” She says, “You can’t reason a child into calmness when their nervous system is in fight-or-flight mode. What works instead is creating a predictable, emotionally neutral environment.”

Do this by staying calm and steady in your own reactions, using consistent routines and language around meals, and setting those mealtime expectations she mentioned earlier.

“When kids know what’s expected and what comes next, they’re more likely to engage in appropriate mealtime behaviors — and less likely to resist or shut down,” Kelly says. She adds, “When we regulate our own emotional responses, we give kids the space to regulate theirs. That’s when real progress starts.”

2. Start Small. “When you have a picky-eater child, it is so easy to notice all of the things they aren’t eating and try throwing a bunch of things at them to ‘try a bite,’” Kelly says. Instead, meet the child where they’re at. 

“Look at the foods they are eating and find one that is similar but slightly different to build trust in the food-trying process,” she suggests. You want kids to learn that even foods that look different still taste similar, so they are open to trying new things. This means going from Goldfish to Cheez-Its, rather than from Goldfish to broccoli.

“While it seems silly because the Cheez-Its are no ‘better’ than the Goldfish, for a child with a feeding disorder, those little changes are the building blocks to bigger changes,” Kelly explains.

3. Keep Mealtime Routines. “Not only do children learn expectations, but it gives their body a chance to work through a digestion pattern to allow for more natural hunger to occur,” Kelly says. “Have regularly scheduled meal and snack times and avoid access to food in between those blocks of time.” This is especially critical during the summertime when all the routines are thrown off!

‘It’s Just a Phase’… or Is It?

I don’t know how many parents have told me over the years that my eldest son was just going through a phase with his picky eating. But it still hasn’t gone away, so how long does this phase last? According to Kelly, a phase is typically something that is very short-term, where children will have preferences for foods that they can eat in a variety of environments. For example, they like chicken nuggets and hot dogs at home, at someone’s house, and a restaurant, even if they were prepared differently.

Also, most kids will change their preferences often, such as liking strawberries one day and blueberries the next. However, they won’t act afraid of the food or have many foods that they vehemently avoid, says Kelly.

“If your child eats fewer than 10-15 foods, demonstrates extreme distress at meals, is avoiding entire food groups, or if eating behaviors are interfering with social, educational, or health development, then a more thorough assessment might be needed,” Kelly explains.

She says the first assessment will rule out any medical conditions that might impact food consumption. After that, your child may work with a feeding specialist (BCBA), a dietitian, and possibly an occupational or speech therapist.

Whether your child needs more help or is just a typical picky eater, Kelly reminds us that many parents go through the same struggles with their kids. “You are not alone. Food selectivity is common, and help is available,” Kelly says.

She encourages parents to stick with it and remember that progress is possible, even if it’s small and slow. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. “A feeding specialist can guide you through individualized strategies that reduce stress for both you and your child,” she adds.

The image featured at the top of this post is ©LightField Studios/Shutterstock.com