10 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman (And What to Say Instead)

Take it from a mom who's been pregnant three times – there's something about seeing a pregnant belly that makes people say or do silly things. As a mom of three, I try to be understanding and realize that most people mean well. But pregnancy can be a difficult time, especially for a first-time mom. During pregnancy, many women feel insecure about how they look, and they may feel self-conscious about everything from weight gain to stretch marks.

Considering all they're dealing with, it's important to consider their feelings and keep the unsolicited advice to yourself. Whether you've got a friend or family member who is pregnant or you happen to come across a stranger who is pregnant, here are some things you should avoid saying and what you can say instead.

Kids love to hear how big they're getting, but at a certain point, that stops becoming a compliment. When you comment on a pregnant woman's size, it's unlikely to make her feel good about herself.

If you are going to comment on a pregnant woman's appearance, tell her how beautiful she looks. Telling her she's glowing might make her day, especially if she's not currently fond of what she sees in the mirror.

Telling a pregnant woman how little she looks or that she doesn't even look pregnant may seem like a compliment, but it can also come across the wrong way. Some women struggle to gain weight when they're pregnant, and commenting on how little they are might add to their frustration. Also, if there are any concerns about the size of their baby, this could add to their anxiety surrounding their baby's health.

Instead of making assumptions about the health of the pregnant woman or her baby, ask her how she's feeling. If there are concerns she wants to share with you, then give her a safe place to vent about how she's doing.

Unfortunately, asking a pregnant woman if she's having twins is a comment that's far too common. While it may be said in a joking manner, it can be a pretty hurtful comment for a woman who's already insecure about her appearance.

If you're commenting about how a mom looks like she's having twins, she's probably feeling how big she is as well. From heartburn to sciatic nerve pain, there are many symptoms that come with pregnancy. Instead of making her feel bad about how big she is, offer to support her in some way.

This is another common comment that needs to go. Not only is it unhelpful to remind a pregnant woman that it might be difficult to sleep in those early postpartum days, but sleeping during pregnancy isn't exactly easy. Getting a good night's sleep, especially in the third trimester, can be so difficult that many women say they slept better after their baby was born.

The "just wait until.." comments are almost always unhelpful. It's evidence that misery loves company since there isn't any good reason to make a pregnant woman feel bad about what's to come. Saying something positive about the future gives her hope in a difficult time instead of bringing her down.

First off, it's probably not your business. Secondly, whether a baby was planned or not doesn't make their little life more or less valuable. The baby is on the way now, planned or not. Asking if the baby was planned or if it was an accident is not only hurtful – it's also insulting to the mom.

Pregnancy can come with a lot of feelings, both positive and negative. Even a mom who loves her baby and is excited to meet her little one might also feel scared or nervous. Regardless of what the mom is feeling, a simple reminder that you're there for her can go a long way.

You can add how a woman plans on giving birth to the list of things that probably aren't you business, especially if she's a stranger. If a friend or family member is pregnant, she may or may not want to discuss her birth plans with you. Let her bring it up if she wants to talk about it and don't pry.

Whether a woman feels prepared for labor or terrified, it's a nice gesture to tell her you hope things go well. She doesn't need judgement about her choices or unsolicited advice. It's enough for her to know that you're thinking about her and you're there if she wants to talk.

There are definitely some things doctors recommend women avoid eating or drinking during pregnancy. But it's not your place to make judgements. If you see a pregnant woman at Starbucks enjoying a cup of coffee, don't assume she's putting her baby at risk because she's having some caffeine. Not only is a small amount of caffeine considered safe, but you have no idea what she's drinking or what she has discussed with her provider.

An estimated 90% of pregnant women experience pregnancy cravings. Sometimes, these cravings can become so strong that it's challenging to eat anything else. Instead of judging what a mom is eating or drinking, ask her what she currently loves. And if you know her well enough, surprise with that snack or drink next time you see her.

There's no doubt that childbirth is difficult. But sharing your difficult or traumatic birth story with a pregnant mom can fill her with unnecessary fear. If you had a difficult birth, you deserve a safe space to share your story, but a pregnant mom also deserves to protect her peace and mental health.

No matter how she chooses to give birth, encourage her. Tell her that birth is tough, but so is she! Fear during pregnancy and labor can significantly impact the experience, so helping her stay positive can be beneficial for her and her baby.

There are plenty of old wives' tales out there about how to tell whether a woman is having a boy or girl, but none of them are necessarily accurate. While it can be fun to speculate, telling a mom you're certain of what she's having can definitely rub her the wrong way.

Boy or girl, what's important is that the baby is loved. Even if the mom is choosing not to find out the gender, remind her that her baby is so lucky to have her as a mom. Being a new mom can fill women with a lot of doubts and questions, so it's always nice to hear a reminder that everything is going to be okay.

Once she gets close to the end of the pregnancy, the texts and calls start rolling in. "You're still pregnant?!" You might be anxious to meet your grandchild, niece or nephew, or godchild. But there's no one more ready to meet the baby than the mom.

The end of pregnancy can be physically uncomfortable for moms. While people are making snide comments about how she's still pregnant, she's wondering if her baby will ever come. Try and be helpful instead, offering to bring her dinner she can put her feet up and relax while she prepares for baby's arrival.