How to Navigate Holiday Visits and Family Dynamics With Kids

The holidays are usually a time of fun, family, and parties. Many people will be visiting their relatives for all the major holidays, and you may be greatly anticipating the excitement of the season. However, if you have young kids, you also need to keep their thoughts and feelings in mind. Some children are introverted and may be shier than others. Because of that, they may find the idea of travelling and visiting other homes jarring, and you’ll need to prepare for that possibility.

In this guide, we’ll provide tips on how to navigate holiday visits so that your kids can have as much fun as you do during this wonderful time of year.

Preparing for Holiday Travel

Whether you’re driving across town or flying across the country to visit family and friends, preparation will be key so you can successfully navigate holiday visits with as little stress as possible. Begin by changing your mindset to plan for the journey and not just the destination. Here are some tips to keep your sanity along the way.

Pack a “Survival” Kit

You know your kids better than anyone, so think about what soothes them and makes travel easier, and bring that along during your trip. Your kit should include a few snacks and water bottles for sustenance. Bring some calming items as well, such as squishy balls or chewable necklaces. Don’t forget an extra change of clothes and wet wipes in case there’s a mess.

Of course, you should also bring any necessary medications so you have them in a time of need. Finally, remember all of the chargers you need for your phones and any electronics your kids require.

Choose Smart Travel Times

The best way to avoid cranky kids during holiday travel is to intentionally plan your departure times. If you have small kids, plan to leave during their nap time. This way, they’ll get the sleep they need, and you’ll keep your sanity as you enjoy a mostly silent drive.

Checking traffic ahead of time is key, so you don’t get bogged down in transit. With that said, you should expect the unexpected. Traffic can come out of nowhere, so consider leaving earlier just in case. Early departure times are especially important when you’re going to the airport. Remember to leave plenty of time so that you don’t have to rush to catch your plane.

Explain the Plan Clearly

The best way to avoid crying and complaining as you navigate holiday visits is to properly prepare your kids by telling them how you expect the trip to go. Tell them how long the car ride will be and when they can expect to arrive at their destination.

If you’re flying by plane and there are several stops, tell them that too. The more they know, the better prepared they can be.

Give Your Kids Responsibilities

You can keep your kids further involved by giving them responsibilities. Have them carry their own backpack, choose car activities, and decide how they’ll entertain themselves along the way. Before you depart, allow them to pack their own snacks with your supervision.

Prevent Overstimulation

The holidays are a fun time for almost everyone, but there is such a thing as having too much fun. When you have kids, you need to be strategic about how you spend your time. Your kids will need to pace themselves, so they don’t get burned out or overstimulated. There are several ways that you can all have a good time without added stress.

Recognize Early Signs

As a parent, you can tell when your kids are getting overly tired and cranky, so look for those signs while you’re traveling. Typical signs of a behavioral shift include sudden irritability, hyper-energy, clinginess, and zoning out. When you notice those signs, it may be time to take a break.

Build Downtime into the Schedule

The best way to prevent your kids from getting overwhelmed is to build downtime into the schedule. Between family outings, allow your kids 15 minutes of quiet play so they can mentally reset. Also, although you may want your kids involved in all of the holiday festivities, allow them a chance to opt out if they really aren’t feeling it. Consider rotating supervision of these downtime sessions with your partner so you can both enjoy the holiday to the fullest.

Know When to Adjust Plans

Finally, don’t be afraid to adjust plans on the fly when your kids start feeling restless. If you must shorten an event with your family, don’t be afraid to do so. Your family will understand. There may even be times when you need to skip events altogether. Consider doing so when necessary. After all, your child’s health should be the priority.

Setting Boundaries with Relatives

Learning how to navigate holiday visits is especially important when you’re spending time with your extended family. Everyone is going to have opinions on how you should raise your kids. The goal is to stand your ground when you know it’s right. Do it properly, and you can protect your kid’s well-being without disrespecting your family. 

Prepare Your Children

One way to keep kids calm when visiting relatives is to prepare your children for what to expect ahead of time. Inform them that there will be lots of relatives there. Many will want to say “hi.” Explain how family members may ask them questions, such as how they’re doing and what grade they’re in.

If they do, advise your kids to answer the best they can and to just try to have fun. If you know your kids may be shy or uncomfortable, give them advice, like how they can stay close to you and smile if they don’t have anything else to say.

You should also tell them about how they will be at a different house than they’re used to and how to navigate that situation. If you’re familiar with the home's layout, give your kids a heads-up on where the bathrooms are, which areas are off-limits, and any other insider information you may have. 

Defend Your Kids

When a family member suggests your kids do something they wouldn’t normally do, then you should step in. So, if they try to convince your kids to stay up later than usual, mention their bedtime routine and how they may not feel well-rested if they don’t go to sleep at their regular time. Or, if they try to give them a food that they know will upset their stomach, make that fact known.

Perhaps your kids aren’t in love with the idea of displays of affection like hugging and kissing. If your family member tries to hug them, you can say something like, “She’s not feeling hugs right now, but a high-five would make her day.” Be there for your kids, and they’ll love you for it. Consent isn't an easy topic to discuss with your kids, but it's crucial, especially before the holidays.

Consider a Pre-Party Ritual

One of the best ways to navigate holiday visits is to remind your kids that you’re there for them. A good way to do this may be to have a pre-party ritual before you enter the home of your loved ones. This could be as simple as a soft hug before ringing the doorbell or a gentle hand squeeze to remind your youngster that you’re in this together. 

Your kids may get overwhelmed in certain situations. This could happen if they’re suddenly stuck in a conversation where they’re having trouble responding, or maybe their cousins want to play a game that they don’t like. To help in these situations, you and your kids can also discuss a secret signal they can make to alert you to help them. That could be something simple, like a wink or a phrase you come up with together before getting to your destination. 

If you do try this approach, be sure to watch out for the signal. The last thing you want to do is break your child’s trust because they were desperately trying to get your attention, and you didn’t help.

Acknowledge and Validate Feelings

Finally, remember that your kids have feelings and may have other ideas for what they want to do during the holidays. This is especially true for teens who may prefer to hang out with friends rather than visit family. In these instances, validate their concerns by telling them you understand their feelings and how you used to feel that way when you were a teen as well (if that’s true). 

Then, express the importance of attending the gathering. You can soften the blow by making a compromise. If your teen can drive and has their own car, ask them to attend the family gathering for an hour or so, and then they can leave and join their friends. Or create a different compromise that works for the situation. 

The holidays are supposed to be a time of fun and happiness, so it’s important that you talk with your kids and set guidelines ahead of time. Create a game plan first, and you’ll greatly increase your chances of everyone having a great holiday season. 

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