Setting Screen Time Limits Starts With You: Tips for Monitoring Your Own Screen Time as a Parent

Since you’ve become a parent, you’ve likely heard from a variety of sources that you should try to keep your kids away from screens as often as possible, and that’s true. Constant screen time can impact physical and mental health and lead to developmental issues down the road. While keeping your kids completely off screens may not be entirely possible, you should help your kids avoid screen addiction. However, “do as I say, not as I do,” probably isn't going to work with your kids. Instead, you need to begin monitoring your own screen time as a parent. 

It may seem close to impossible to put your phone down or to keep from binging that new TV show, but you can do it. With a little guidance and help from technology, you can spend less time in front of screens and more time interacting with your loving family. Let’s look more at this issue and how you can set a good example.

Why Kids Notice More Than We Think

Monitoring your own screen time as a parent is important because, even when you may not realize it, your kids are watching. Your children idolize you, and they often want to be like mom and dad. So, they’ll watch you and see what you do all day. If you are on your phone all day, kids are going to associate you with that phone, and you don’t want that. 

Yes, phones and screens are often necessary, especially for work. But a child may not know whether you're checking work emails, reading the news, or browsing social media. What they see is a parent whose attention is frequently divided. That doesn’t mean you can never glance at your phone. However, you need to strike a healthy balance for your family's sake and your own sanity.

Start By Measuring Your Screen Time

One of the biggest challenges with screen use is that people often underestimate how much time they spend on devices. Most smartphone users would probably guess they spend less time on their phones than they actually do. Fortunately for you, both iPhones and Android devices include built-in screen time tracking features.

Apple users can check Screen Time through the Settings app, while Android users can access Digital Wellbeing. These tools show:

• Daily screen time totals
• Time spent in specific apps
• Number of device pickups
• Notification counts
• Weekly trends

You’re likely going to be surprised by what you see, especially if you don’t think you’re on your phone that often. It’s unreal how five minutes of social media here and ten minutes there can easily add up to several hours per day.

Often, the first step is being aware of your current habits. The numbers you see on that status screen don’t mean you’re a bad person. It’s just about information. Keep the data in mind going forward. Many trackers will tell you how often you’re on your phone during certain hours of the day. Think about why that is, and make the necessary adjustments.

Identify Your Biggest Screen-Time Triggers

The next step to monitoring your own screen time as a parent is to learn why you’re on the phone when you are and what triggers that behavior. Keep in mind that not all screentime is created equal. A parent who spends six hours working on a computer isn't necessarily facing the same challenge as someone who spends six hours scrolling social media feeds. You need to ask yourself a few questions:

• When do I reach for my phone most often?
• What emotions trigger my screen use?
• Which apps consume the most time?
• When do screens interfere with family interactions?

Think about those questions and identify whether you have an issue or use screens as a crutch for another issue. 

Also, keep in mind that you may reach for screens at a certain time without realizing why you’re doing it. Here are a few triggers to consider:

Boredom – Many people reflexively grab their phones whenever they have a spare moment. Waiting in line, sitting in the car, or taking a short break often leads directly to screen use. Do any of these ring true for you?

Stress – Parents often use screens as a quick mental escape from the demands of parenting, work, and household responsibilities. Instead, consider other methods to relieve stress, such as spending time outdoors, breathing exercises, yoga, and more.

Habit – Sometimes screen use occurs without conscious thought. A person unlocks a phone dozens of times each day simply because the behavior has become automatic.

Notifications – Many people can’t resist looking at their phones when they get a notification of any kind. Every buzz, ding, vibration, and alert creates another invitation to engage with a device. A simple solution is to turn off notifications for non-essential apps, so you’re not as inclined to pick up your phone.

These are just a few of the common triggers that people experience. Every person will be different. If you are having trouble identifying the times when you’re most likely to reach for your phone, then ask your kids what they see. They’re guaranteed to be honest with you.

Create Phone-Free Zones

It’s true that you may need to use screens at work. We get it. But you don’t need to use screens all of the time. In fact, the solution to your screen addiction may be to set times throughout the day when you and the kids can’t use your phones at all. Simple places to start include:

Dinner Table

We all need to get back to a time when we spent time together as a family around the dinner table. It may be that dinner is the only time when you and the kids have a few moments to spend together. Use the dinner table as a time to talk to each other and discuss your day. You may have a “no phones allowed” policy at the table for every meal.

Bedrooms

You may want to make a policy that prohibits phones in bedrooms, too. This is especially important when you have younger kids who may get into trouble scrolling on their phones without you monitoring them. You should also follow your own advice and avoid phones in the bedroom, especially when you’re trying to fall asleep. The blue light emitted by screens can disrupt your circadian rhythm, making it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep. 

Play Areas

Whether you’re at the park, in a playroom, or in the backyard, it’s incredibly essential that you’re monitoring your own screen time as a parent when you’re supposed to be enjoying time with your kids. You want your kids to remember how much fun they had with you and how you engaged with them. Don’t give them the wrong impression by being on the phone the whole time.

Try Tech Tools

If you’re struggling to monitor your own screen time as a parent, you may need some outside help. Some tools that have emerged in recent years may provide relief. 

The Brick

One tool that many parents recommend is called The Brick. It’s an app that you download onto your phone that pairs with a physical Brick. Once you have the program installed, you choose your most distracting apps (social media apps come to mind) and use the Brick to block them. When the time is right, and you want to use the app again, tap your phone against the Brick to regain access. The idea of this tool is to be intentional about your screentime, and it can be a lifesaver.

ScreenZen App

There are also many free apps available online that can help you avoid screens, including ScreenZen. This app helps you by showing a pop-up every time you try to go on social media or any other app that monopolizes your time. The pop-up screen asks you why you want to use the app. This is a great feature because it makes you think twice before using the app. You may use that moment to reflect on whether you should continue using the app or spend time with your kids instead. 

Replace Screen Habits With Alternative Activities

A final tip to help you avoid screens is to replace your desire to pick up your phone or turn on the TV with an alternative activity. The easiest way to find something new to do is to think about why you use social media in the first place. Then, find an activity to scratch that itch.

For instance, if you use social media to relax, try something else, like reading books, listening to podcasts, walking outdoors, gardening, or journaling. Or, if you use screens to combat boredom or stimulate your mind, you might try substituting puzzles, exercise, home projects, or other creative pursuits, like painting. In the end, the goal isn’t simply less screen time. It’s finding a more meaningful use of your time.

What Is Most Important To You?

With all of this in mind, you need to look inside and think about what matters most to you: your family or your phone. Think about questions like, “Is my screen use preventing me from being present for the people and activities that matter most?” or “How many hours am I spending on my phone?” Then, make some serious decisions from there. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just set a good example, and you’ll be doing your family and yourself a great service.

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