Everything Parents Need to Know About Keeping Tweens and Teens Safe on Social Media

Your kid comes home from school and complains that everyone has a social media account — except them. To be honest, you knew this day was coming, and you’ve been dreading it, because social media can be a scary (and unsafe) place for kids.

But for better or worse, social media is here to stay, and at some point, your kid will connect with their friends online. Even though keeping tweens and teens safe on social media might feel impossible, it can be done with preparation, presence, and a whole lot of patience. Here are some of the best ways to keep your tweens or teens safe online.

Know The Facts

If you thought that kids of any age could sign up for Snapchat, think again. U.S. federal law states that children must be at least 13 years old to create a social media account. The  Children's Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) sets this minimum legal age and requires parental consent for kids to even open an account. Parents also have the right to access their children’s social media usage and restrict (or even delete) their accounts.

So if your 11-year-old is begging to be on Instagram, explain that they’re simply not old enough yet. You won’t have to lay down the law — because it’s already been done.

Create The Account Together

Not that your child would ever do such a thing, but some kids lie about their birthdate to avoid the legal age requirements. “Many preteens are on platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat by changing their age when they create an account,” says Jessica Speer, an award-winning author of The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand. Be there when they sign up — just to make sure that they’re, ahem, inputting everything correctly.

Start With One Account Only

When you finally agree to let your child join social media, make it clear that it’s one (and only one) account to start with. For example, if your kid loves to learn the latest TikTok dances, you might want to start there. Or if they’re into chatting with friends, Instagram or Snapchat might be a better fit. And if they decide that they want to switch platforms, they’ll need to delete the first account before creating another. 

Don’t Go By Their Actual Age

Just because your child is in double digits doesn’t mean that they’re ready for the responsibility of social media. “The right age to use social media is not related to the age of 13 but rather the ability to exercise emotional regulation,” says Kaila Hattis, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Pacific Coast Therapy. “Children need to be able to cope with rejection without spiraling, handle disappointments when plans change, and describe feelings with specific emotion words.”

Make Them Use Your Device

Forget about their phones, tablets, or computers. When your child is starting out, the only devices they should be on are yours. Speer agrees, adding:  If they are younger than 13, kids should use the platform only on their parents' device,” says Speer. “This will help the parent manage screen time and ensure safety as the child begins their online experience.”

Create a Contract

Speer suggests making a family tech agreement that clearly outlines rules for social media usage. This should include time limits, privacy settings, and expectations for respectful communication. Clearly state any consequences if rules are broken or “forgotten” — such as losing account access for a set amount of time. Make the contract together with your child so that you’re all on the same page, and it feels more like a collaborative effort rather than more parental rules. 

Don’t Allow DMs From People They Don’t Know

Yes, it’s sad, but it’s the world we live in; there are people online with harmful intentions. No matter how many times you remind your kid that not everything (and everyone) is what they appear to be, though, they might still accept a random DM request — but they shouldn’t. “Kids should know not to accept DMs, requests, or answer any questions from people they don’t know,” says Speer. That’s why you should also remind them that even a message from a “friend” may not actually be that friend. You can set a rule that your child cannot accept or open any DMs without your permission, and you can also disable DM requests entirely.

Put Privacy Settings On

Social media is great for connecting with people your child already knows, but their profile shouldn’t be an open invitation for anyone to contact them. It’s an easy fix: set your child’s profile to private. “Your child’s account should always have their privacy settings on and not have a public account,” advises Speer. Your child might not like it, but no one should have open access to contacting your kid. 

Don’t Use Their Real Names

You’d be surprised how much information someone can piece together just by looking at a child’s profile. Encourage your kid to use a nickname that their peers would know but wouldn’t be obvious to strangers. “Their username should always be a nickname, and never their real name,” says Speer. Avoid using pet names, hometowns, or anything else a stranger could use to fake a personal connection. 

Use Non-Identifying Profile Pics

A picture says a thousand words — but you don’t want a profile pic to reveal too much. And it doesn’t take much: a school sweatshirt, a pic with a visible street sign, or a familiar landmark are all enough for a shady character to figure out exactly who your child is and where they live. That’s why you should review all pics before they’re posted, and edit your child’s bio so that it’s short, sweet, and keeps your kid safe.

Check In On Them

It’s not enough to sign your child up for social media and let them post freely.  It’s not only a matter of monitoring what your child is doing, but it’s also about letting them know that they can talk to you about anything they see or experience online. “To ensure the safety of teenagers, it is necessary to develop internal compass skills and not only external monitoring,” says Harris.

Encourage them to notice how they feel when they’re online, both physically and emotionally. Cute puppy videos might elicit joy, but seeing their ex with someone new might cause stress, sadness, or depression. So help your child learn to check in with themselves and understand that these emotions are signals that they might need to put their phone down for a while. 

Social media can be a place for your child to learn, connect, and grow if it’s used responsibly. By implementing clear boundaries and creating a space for open and honest communication, your tween or teen can have a fun and safe online experience — and you’ll be able to sleep better at night.

The image featured at the top of this post is ©Kaspars Grinvalds/Shutterstock.com