3 Things to Avoid Saying in Front of Your Child, According to Experts

Parenting is an ever-evolving process of making mistakes and learning. No one is perfect, despite the pressure that so many parents put on themselves. Eventually, you might say something that has you questioning whether it was the right response. These situations are bound to happen, and while you can't take it back, you can prepare yourself for next time.

Some topics are off-limits, no matter how mature your child seems. And if you do mention something by mistake, there are ways to navigate it, according to experts in child psychology.

Steer Clear of “Absolute Truths”

Dr. Kendra Read, child and adolescent clinical psychologist and Vice President of Care Strategy and Delivery at Brightline, says viewing things in absolutes isn't necessarily the right answer. “This is a question I approach pretty carefully. Not because the topic isn't worth discussing, but because lists of things you should “never” say have a way of piling onto parents who are already carrying a lot. So I want to take a slightly different approach here,” she tells us.

“Yes, parents are powerful models for their kids. How you talk about yourself, other people, and the world around you shapes how your child begins to understand all of those things, too. That part is real and worth taking seriously,” Dr. Read explains. “But as a mental health professional, I tend to steer people away from absolute rules, for a few reasons. Life is varied and messy, and it's genuinely hard to generate a tidy list that applies to every family in every situation. Different families also have different values, and it isn't really my place to tell you what your child should or shouldn't be learning from your conversations at home.”

Dr. Read adds that she encourages parents to have grace for themselves, because that guilt has a way of building up in ways that aren't helpful for anyone. She says practicing self-compassion is the first step, as kids typically model themselves after their parents.

Body Appearance, Weight, and Overall Health

Weight can be a touchy subject. While body positivity is showing up more within families and in the media we consume, insecurity is still very real. When discussing self-image, Dr. Read suggests starting in a positive place rather than deciding what not to say.

“Say your value is that people are worthy regardless of their size or shape, and that bodies aren't something to rank or criticize,” she says. “With that as your north star, you might think about how you want your kids to carry that value forward. Maybe it looks like wanting them to understand that someone's body has nothing to do with their worth as a person. And when someone else celebrates something about their own body, you can join in their joy without making it complicated.”

Dr. Read continues, saying it's helpful to include positive commentary. “Perhaps share how you feel in a new outfit rather than asking how you look, or take your regular mom or dad bod right onto the beach to play with them in the sand. Maybe even say out loud that your body has changed over time and that you appreciate how it carries you through your life,” she shares. Phrasing it this way, rather than stating negative things about your appearance, weight, or image, encourages confidence rather than fear.

Finances and Money Discussions

If your child is old enough to understand the importance of money, then they're old enough to fear not having it. Slipping and mentioning money problems or bills piling up can add pressure a child isn't equipped to handle. It can also push them into an unsafe space where your worries are now theirs.

Dr. Read shares that if you do make a mistake, there's still a chance that you can repair it. The key is in recognizing when you say something negative and turning it into a positive before the conversation ends. You might say something like, “We have a lower budget for groceries this month.” But recovering quickly by adding, “And it just means we can get creative and try some fun new things,” can quickly shift the tone.

Dr. Read adds that correcting a negative-starting sentence is more powerful than parents realize. “That moment of repair? That's actually worth a lot. It shows your kid what it looks like to catch yourself, be kind to yourself, and keep going. And honestly, that might be more valuable than never having said the wrong thing in the first place.”

Criticism About Your Relationship Or Other People

We're only human, which means it's easy to say negative things about other people. Sometimes, it just slips out unintentionally, and at that point, repairing what you've said is the only option. No matter the situation, Dr. Read suggests asking yourself a few questions first.

“Rather than a list of forbidden phrases, it helps to start with a couple of questions. What are your guiding values? And with those values in mind, how do you want your child to think about themselves and others when certain topics come up? From there, you can start to notice whether the way you talk about things is moving toward or away from those values,” she says.

Saying something inappropriate about someone might feel like the end of the world, but you can control your behavior moving forward. If repairing a statement isn't an option, mindfulness is the best way to prevent it from happening again.

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