Returning to work after having a baby is often overwhelming — even if you love your job and are excited to go back. Between sleep deprivation, juggling childcare logistics, and the emotional impact of leaving your baby every day, many new moms find themselves wondering how they’re supposed to do it all.
The truth is, balancing work and motherhood isn’t about perfection or proving your worth. It’s about learning how to navigate a major life transition without losing yourself (or your mind) in the process. So when it’s time to return to work, having realistic expectations—and a whole lot of self-compassion—can make all the difference.
What to Expect When You Return to Work
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If you thought that you’d return to work and pick up exactly where you left off, you’re not alone. Thing is, whether you’re excited to get back into your work groove or are dreading the day you have to leave your little one, the transition is anything but easy.
“It can be a daunting experience trying to figure out how to balance motherhood and working,” says Laura Todd, LPCC, a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. Part of that is because a lot may have changed during your maternity leave. The workplace you return to may not look (or feel) the same as it once did. There may be new policies, office changes, or colleagues who have moved on while you were on maternity leave.
At the same time, you probably settled into a rhythm at home with your baby. Adding work back into the mix can feel destabilizing at first. “During maternity leave, many parents build routines centered around caring for their baby,” says therapist Caitlin Silverstein, LCSW, PMH-C CCTP IPPE-C. “Working adds another layer of expectations which can make you feel off balance.”
How to Prepare Before Going Back to Work
It’s often not until you’re preparing to go back to work that you realize how many moving parts are involved in caring for your baby. While it’s tempting to postpone planning, having some basics in place can reduce stress later.
Secure Childcare — and a Backup Plan
Life with a baby is one big rollercoaster, and even the most reliable childcare can fall through. Having a backup (as well as a backup to the backup) can prevent last-minute scrambling or missed workdays.
It’s also important to be clear with all caregivers (and yes, that includes your mom, dad, or best friend, too) about your baby’s needs and your expectations so that everyone is on the same page.
Do a Dry Run
About a week before returning to work, walk through what a typical workday will realistically look like, from morning wakeups to bedtime. Practice getting your baby ready, coordinating drop-off, commuting, and managing evenings, including feeding, dinner, and your child’s sleep schedule.
“Returning to work isn’t only an adjustment for you — it’s an adjustment for your baby, too,” Silverstein says. That’s why it's important to test out your routine, so everyone can acclimate to what life will really look like before the big day.
Pro tip: give yourself extra time for each part of your day. It will almost always take longer than you expect.
Talk Through Support With Your Partner
If you have a partner, talk openly about how responsibilities will be shared once you’re back at work. “That might look like handling mornings with the baby so you have time to get ready or taking on more household tasks so you can walk out the door feeling more prepared,” Silverstein advises.
Have a Pumping Plan
If you plan to pump at work, make sure you have supplies ready and know where you’ll be able to pump privately. Your supplies may include pump parts, storage bags, and a plan for storing milk safely during the day. And if the demands of the workday are impeding your efforts to pump effectively, you can always look at photos of your baby to remind you why you’re doing all of this.
Dress Comfortably
Your body has been through a lot, so it may be unrealistic to assume your office attire will fit the way it did pre-pregnancy. To avoid “what to wear” mornings, go through your closet to see what feels comfortable and confidence-boosting. You don’t need a new wardrobe — just a few outfits that help you feel like the working momma that you are.
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How to Prepare Emotionally for the Identity Shift
Before having a baby, your professional and personal roles may have felt separate. But returning to work often brings those worlds together in ways that can be overwhelming.
“Emotionally, this transition often brings a mix of relief, sadness, and even guilt,” says Silverstein. But don’t worry — all of this is normal.
That’s when having a work buddy who you can laugh (and cry) with during the day can make all the difference. Also, let friends and family know this transition may be tough, and that you may need extra emotional support. Says Todd: “It can be hard to separate from your child, so giving yourself grace is essential during this adjustment.”
Check In With Your Boss — Early
The days leading up to your first day can be anxiety-inducing. Consider scheduling a brief check-in with your boss before your first day back. “This is a good time to clarify expectations, responsibilities, and priorities when returning to work,” says Silverstein.
While it’s an excellent opportunity to get on the same professional page, keep the conversation focused on the workplace. (Read: Don’t share your baby’s poop schedule or how you’re barely sleeping at night.) Says Silverstein: “You don’t need to overshare personal details to advocate or justify what you may need.”
Define Work-life Balance on Your Terms
Many new moms feel intense pressure to achieve a perfect balance between work and family. But trying to do everything equally, all the time, often leads to stress, burnout, and increases your chances of quitting before you’ve had enough time to assimilate.
“You will never have a perfectly balanced life between work and home,” says Todd. “One will take precedence at different times, and that’s normal.”
The truth is that some days, work will demand more of you. Other days, your baby will. Letting go of the idea that balance must be constant can reduce guilt, stress, and actually lead to a happier and healthier quality of life.
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Take Time for Yourself
Work-life balance is about logistics and a whole lot of planning. What it doesn’t do, though, is leave the time for what matters most — you.
That’s why it’s imperative to ditch the idea of perfection and embrace the fact that, honestly, we’re all a hot mess at one point or another. Ironically enough, trying your best — or doing just enough to get by on difficult days — can be even more empowering.
“Practicing self-compassion looks like releasing guilt, acknowledging effort over perfection, and allowing yourself to adjust without judgment,” says Silverstein. And the research shows that children of working moms thrive.
So define what self-care looks like for you, and engage in activities that leave you feeling recharged and rejuvenated. It might be a long after-dinner walk, or a much-needed date night. Whatever it is, don’t apologize for needing time for yourself.
Speak to Your Boss If You’re Struggling
It’s normal to have a bad day at work now and then. But if exhaustion or stress is interfering with your well-being, it may be time to speak up.
“Being a working mom often feels like a constant state of transition,” Todd says. If it feels safe, talk to your manager before you reach burnout. If that’s not an option (and sadly, that can be the case for many working moms), HR might be able to guide you toward available resources or temporary adjustments.
Returning to work after having a baby is a major life transition — and there’s no single right way to do it. But this journey is uniquely yours, so give yourself permission to define what work-life balance means to you. It could be ordering pizza instead of cooking or leaving work earlier so you get extra time with your baby. In the end, you’ll find that it all works out.
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