Teen Trouble: Experts Weigh In on What to Do When Your Teen Is Hanging Out With the Wrong Crowd

Learning who you are is the most exciting part of being a teenager. There's a sense of independence in this type of self-discovery. It's a pivotal moment for both parents and teens as one watches the other blossom right before their very eyes. And with these personality changes often come changes in their social circles. For many parents, it's not the classic attitudinal years that are worrisome, but the people who are around their child during those years.

Acting out may look like having detention once or twice, or even staying out past curfew. But it can also be extreme, leaving parents feeling as though they're in the dark while their teen struggles. When this happens, communication might feel impossible. To provide guidance, we speak with two experts who understand not only a parent's dilemma, but also the average teen's.

When Acting Out Becomes More Than Teenage Mischief

There's no thought more terrifying than fearing your teen might be engaging in potentially harmful behavior. When acting out goes beyond “normal” teenage pranks and rebellion, it's time to get an outside opinion. This can be a frustrating process, especially if your teen is old enough to drive and often evades serious conversations. They may feel cornered by an intervention or feel attacked by their parents' criticisms of their friends. And when their behavior appears to stem from those friends, everything becomes more complicated.

Jessica Scher Lisa, Founder and Clinical Psychologist at Empowering Minds Consulting, says that a teen's behavior is, in itself, a form of communication. “Even when teens are clearly influenced by friends, their behavior still reflects what is going on internally. Acting out can come from many places beyond peers, including what teens see modeled at home, a need to belong or feel important, stress or insecurity, or a desire for more control as they grow more independent,” she tells us.

“Parents can hold compassion by stepping back from the behavior itself and asking what might be driving it, while also remembering that other teens in the mix may be struggling too. Helping kids think about why people act the way they do builds insight and empathy rather than shame.”

Is It Peer Pressure, or Something Deeper?

For some teens, acting out is a way to fit in. This could mean peer pressure is a driving force, and Dr. Lisa shares what that might look like. “Peer pressure often looks like copycat behavior or sudden shifts that closely mirror what friends are doing, especially when the motivation is fear of being left out or needing approval,” she says.

“Seeking validation or self-discovery tends to feel more internal and reflective. Parents can listen for whether their teen has a personal reason for a choice or whether the explanation centers on what everyone else is doing. Noticing and naming positive qualities like kindness, leadership, or being someone others can rely on helps teens anchor their identity beyond the group.”

How Can Parents Break Through Peer Pressure?

This collective identity affects more teens than many parents realize. It's estimated that roughly 85% to 90% of all U.S. teens will feel peer pressure at some point in their lives. The most concerning thing for parents is observing the power their teens' peers have and feeling helpless to stop it. But the best course of action? Being proactive.

Parents can teach their children how to be comfortable with the word “no” and lead by example. Reinforcing your child's sense of self and reminding them of their positive qualities are effective places to start. It's true that you attract the energy you exude, and for your teen, confidence and good choices go a long way.

When it comes to communication, it's not uncommon for teens to shut down. It's stressful, but manageable. “When teens initially shut down communication, forcing a conversation usually backfires. What matters most is keeping the relationship open. Parents can connect during low-pressure moments, such as car rides, walks, or shared activities, rather than through face-to-face confrontations,” encourages Dr. Lisa.

“Approaching teens with curiosity rather than accusation makes it easier for them to open up. At the same time, parents can stay calm and consistent about safety expectations, making it clear that while conversations can happen on the teen’s timeline, safety is nonnegotiable.”

How to Talk to Your Teen When They're In Trouble

Navigating these conversations can be challenging. Teens feel a myriad of emotions at any given moment, and communication might be clipped, frustrating, or nonexistent. We also speak with Annie Hsueh, PhD, of Hope and Sage Psychology Services, to learn how to talk with teens about their behavior. She encourages parents to use a three-step process, utilizing curiosity, common ground, and, finally, feedback.

Steps One and Two

The first step is to think about the timing. “Do you and your teen already have a regular time when you’re able to talk about things in their life? If so, using that same time to check in might be a good strategy. You can also consider reducing pressure on your teen by eliminating the need for them to make eye contact with you,” she says.

“Car rides can be a perfect time to talk. Your teen knows that there is a definite end to the car ride, when they’d be getting out of the car, and when the conversation likely naturally ends, and it can help them to feel more at ease. Avoid times when your teen is hungry or is decompressing right after school.”

The second, and arguably most essential, step is to start peacefully. “You can lead in by asking a general question, such as ‘How are things going with your friends lately?' or you might gently check in about things they mentioned about their interactions with their friends before, ‘How was going to Olivia’s house the other day?' Dr. Hsueh encourages.

“I would recommend doing a lot of listening. Listen more than you speak. Gather information from what your teen says about their friends. Gradually, from there, see if you can elicit any concerns from your teen about their friends. You might make comments to normalize struggles, such as, ‘Did I ever tell you about my friend Sarah?' Your teen might perk up as you ask them that, and you can share a little more.”

Dr. Hsueh emphasizes that your story doesn’t have to have a perfect ending. What matters is that parents keep using these comments to help their teen understand that facing challenges is natural. By extension, knowing their parents have faced similar situations adds a layer of trust and camaraderie.

Third and Final Step, Plus Considerations

The third and final step, according to Dr. Hsueh, is to provide gentle feedback on relationships. “Do so gently and try not to criticize their friends. Instead, if possible, use what your teen said about their concerns to tie them to your concerns. Or even if your teen doesn’t share your concerns, you can express them without throwing their friends under the bus. The reason is that your teen might shut down quickly if they don’t feel you understand why the friendships appeal to them,” she says.

Dr. Hsueh also encourages you to work with your teen collaboratively to generate ideas. “For example, maybe they like going to the mall with Maddie, but they don’t love going to parties with Maddie. Or, they are okay going to parties with Maddie, but they don’t want to drink at the party. You can help your teen figure out how to handle tricky situations and when to enlist your help,” she offers.

If, even after all of this, your teen's behavior is still concerning, here's what else to consider. “If you are worried about their safety or they are suffering negative consequences socially or academically, don’t hesitate to get professionals involved. The details on who to involve will depend on your specific situation,” Dr. Hsueh says.

“It may help to consider speaking to teachers and administrators at school if there are academic concerns. For socio-emotional concerns, consider reaching out to a clinical psychologist or therapist who specializes in working with teenagers and their families. Remember, teens need boundaries, and not just connection, to feel safe. Even if your teen resists the idea, it is your job as a parent to connect them with the right support and resources.”

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