Getting Your Teen Off Screens: An Expert Guide

Today's teenagers use screens for many different purposes, from studying to making plans with friends to playing games. The average teenager spends 7.5 to 9 hours on a screen in a given day, according to an article from OSF Healthcare. So how do you know if your teenager is spending too much time on screens? We speak with several experts who can help parents understand when to worry about teens overusing screen time and how to help reduce their reliance on devices.

How Do I Know If My Teen is Spending Too Much Time On Screens?

There isn't a set number of hours that indicates screen overuse for any age. However, if you're seeing a change in your child's behavior or their relationship to technology, social media, or their device, you should start asking questions.

“Although screen addiction isn’t an official diagnosis, many experts use the term to describe compulsive screen use that interferes with everyday life,” says Brittany Avila, Teaching Associate Professor at the University of Nevada, Reno. “Rather than focusing on the label, parents should pay attention to whether screens are beginning to crowd out healthy behaviors.”

Signs of an unhealthy relationship with screens or technology can include declines in academic performance, inability to focus, acting withdrawn, becoming depressed or anxious, spending less time with friends, sleeping less, or doing fewer of the activities they used to find enjoyable. Avila also says that if a teen tries to steal their device back after you've taken it away from them, it may be time to intervene further or address the issue with a mental health professional. Nighttime scrolling can also be a sign of unhealthy relationships with technology or social media.

Not All Screen Time is Created Equal

Just because your teen is spending a lot of time on their iPad or computer doesn't mean they have a problem. Before you try to intervene, consider what they are spending their time doing. FaceTiming with grandparents or friends, working on digital art projects, or writing a story is not the same as algorithm-driven doomscrolling.

“Before taking the phone away completely, ask what need they are trying to meet. Are they connecting with friends, escaping stress, or bored?” Avila says. ” Is there another problem underneath that they may be struggling with? Understanding why they’re reaching for the screen can make it easier to find alternative solutions.”

What Can Parents Do to Help Change Their Teens' Screen Issues?

If you have determined that your teen may need to spend more time away from their screen, the solution isn't necessarily to take the screens away entirely. It's important to recognize that screens are a part of everyday life, and taking away something your teen has spent hours with every day without replacing it with alternatives could backfire.

“Instead of relying on teen's willpower only, do things like charge the phone outside of the bedroom, have app timers, grey scale mode, turn off notifications and things to disrupt the habitual nature that technology is so good at influencing,” says Cory Reid-Vanas, LMFT, founder at Rocky Mountain Counseling Collective.

Reid-Vanas recommends starting by reframing the problem so that it isn't seen as the fault of the teen themselves. Explain to your teen that many apps are designed in a way that keeps you attached and addicted to them. Then, suggest tracking your screen time together in an open and transparent way. You and your teen can each track the time you spend on each app and have a non-judgmental conversation about it at the end of the week.

Another early step parents can take is eliminating screens before bedtime. For at least 30-60 minutes before going to sleep, make sure everyone in the house puts their devices away. Many experts suggest having a place to charge devices away from the bedrooms so there is no temptation to sneak in one last scroll.

Teach By Example

Many parents can also use more time away from their phones. By setting designated times, such as meal time, the first hour in the morning, and the last hour before going to bed, as non-screen hours for everyone in the house, parents can practice what they preach and set a good example for their teens.

“Teens are hyper aware about hypocrisy, and it creates a credibility issue if you try to set boundaries on things you are not doing,” Reid-Valas says. “Say and amplify your choices: ‘I am putting my phone in another room while we eat.' ‘I'm turning my phone off at 6 p.m. to focus on our family and meals without distraction.'”

Both parents and teens should also try to develop off-screen hobbies and activities. Teenagers can often benefit from the skills built by trying a new sport, auditioning for a play, or making an art project. Social skills, physical fitness, and education can be built in many ways that don't involve screens. Try to find something else to do to fill the hours when you are bored or need relaxation for your own benefit, and to set a good example for your teen. You can also try some of our ways to engage with your children, even when you're tired after work.

Have Open and Honest Conversations About Screen Time and Technology

Avila advises starting a conversation with your teen about why so many of us have become addicted to technology and social media. You can watch documentaries on the topic together or share articles about the effects of screen use and what we should do about it.

“Many young people today are surprisingly aware of this information already and would welcome the chance to talk about it. Involve them in the decision-making process,” she says. “How much screen time is allowed per day, which apps are allowed to be used or not, and how to approach these boundaries and limits are all decisions our children can help make.”

Many teens already know that technology and social media can negatively impact them. They don't always want unlimited screen time, but they do want to be included in decisions about what the rules should be, and to have a fair explanation for why those rules exist.

Could It Be Something Bigger Than Technology Overuse?

Keep in mind that teenagers sometimes have natural shifts in areas like academic and athletic performance. Be careful not to overreact to small changes that may or may not be related to screen use.

However, teens are sometimes busy checking screens because something bigger is going on. They could be being bullied, battling depression or an eating disorder, or considering self-harm. Parents should watch out for increased secrecy, sleeping with a hidden phone, checking their device obsessively, changes in sleep or hygiene, or emotional shifts connected to apps like tears or visible distress, says Reid-Velas.

Check your child's phone or iPad for signs of content related to unhealthy content, like eating disorders or self-harm, and seek mental health services immediately if you find evidence that your child may be taking part.

How to Know Your Teen Has Accepted Reasonable Screen Limits

The goal of parenting is not to have your child obey all of your demands, but to have them learn how to grow to be a responsible adult. Many adults still struggle with putting down their phone when they're bored or when they see just one more interesting reel. So working together with your child to find a healthy limit for screen time can be an ongoing conversation. Focus on development, progress, and independence instead of just a reduced number of hours on the screen.

“Ultimately, we want to help children develop the self-regulation skills needed when parents aren’t around to help monitor them,” Avila says. “Eventually, they’ll have to decide for themselves when it’s time to put the phone down.”

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