Emotional Intelligence Is the New Report Card. Here’s Why It’s So Important for Children to Learn.

We send our kids off to school each day, hoping they’ve studied enough for their science test — or at least opened the textbook. The goal is for them to succeed academically, since good grades can open doors, from first-choice college picks to better-paying jobs. But getting all A’s on their report card doesn’t guarantee a lifetime of success — emotional intelligence (EI) does. 

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Getting an A in algebra is important, but it’s not the only measure of how smart your child is or how well they’ll navigate life. While grades reflect what your child knows, emotional intelligence shows how they’ll respond to challenges, manage emotions, and connect with others on a deeper level. 

“Emotional intelligence is the ability to notice, understand, and work with emotions in a useful way — both your own and others,” explains Bryan Gastelle, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. For kids, it includes expressing their feelings without acting impulsively or regulating themselves enough to think clearly. 

But it’s not only what they’re feeling on the inside that defines emotional intelligence — it’s how they interact with other kids, too. “Emotional intelligence includes reading someone’s facial expressions and their tone of voice,” adds Gastelle. Understanding body language is equally important; for example, noticing when a classmate crosses their arms could indicate they’re upset. 

Beyond moment-to-moment regulation, emotional intelligence helps children build meaningful connections. It allows them to assess and address conflict, strengthen friendships, and maintain relationships. “I often explain it to parents as the bridge to friendship and social growth,” Gastelle says. “A child may be academically smart, but if their emotional nervous system is overwhelmed or under-tuned, everything else becomes harder.” 

How Emotional Intelligence Shapes Every Area of a Child’s Life

EI affects far more than how children handle frustration, sadness, and even anxiety. It shows up everywhere — academically, socially, and in how they handle stress.

“Emotional intelligence is absolutely fundamental because it touches every single part of a child's life,” says Aja Chavez, EMDR-trained LMFT, APCC, and Executive Director of Adolescent Services at Mission Prep Healthcare.

Since kids spend so much time in school, emotional intelligence is most often seen in the classroom. Even for the most studious kids, EI acts as their internal stress manager and gives them a mental breather and a chance to connect with their true feelings instead of reacting impulsively. “When kids can identify their feelings and manage disappointment or fear, they become more resilient and happier overall,” says Chavez.

Emotional intelligence also fuels persistence, teamwork, and motivation. “It’s what helps kids buckle down and finish a tough math problem or work collaboratively on a science project,” Chavez explains. And it shows up in social situations, too, like choosing to calmly approach a teacher rather than melting down when another child is unkind.

While tests serve as a marker of academic achievements, EI measures how children navigate social and emotional challenges well into adulthood.

Are Schools Recognizing the Importance of Emotional Intelligence?

Unlike what we’ve been taught, the foundation for learning isn’t how much material your child can memorize — it’s their ability to connect with themselves and honor their emotions as well as those of others. “If a child’s nervous system is in fight-or-flight all day, no amount of worksheets will fix that,” notes Gastelle. 

That’s why many schools are balancing the focus on EI with academic expectations. For example, some classrooms have Calm Corners where students can take a momentary break and then rejoin the class when they’re ready. For students who prefer to decompress by themselves, designated rooms called Zen Dens offer another avenue to relax. But no matter how your child does it, regulation is at the root of all learning. “A child who can regulate anxiety will get more out of their intelligence,” Gastelle says.

With so many benefits for students, it would seem like a no-brainer for schools to embrace the concept of emotional intelligence — but that’s not always the case. “The schools that do it best treat emotional skills as foundational, not extra,” says Gastelle. Sadly, some schools might offer a once-in-a-while assembly, or teachers may play videos in the classroom, but neither method gives students the ability to truly embrace their inner emotional landscape. 

How Educators Can Encourage Emotional Intelligence

Schools have adopted various strategies to encourage EI in their classrooms. For starters, trauma-informed teacher trainings equip educators with tools to recognize emotional triggers and appropriate responses. “Educators are learning to identify early signs of escalation and respond effectively,” says Gastelle. It also gives them the tools to create a classroom culture where students feel safe expressing their emotions, whether it’s reading a first-person narrative about their parents’ divorce or a younger student bringing a lovie to school and explaining why it means so much to them. 

Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) programs focus on the whole child rather than seeing students through an academic-only lens. It might mean singing songs about kindness, Monday Morning sharing, and even role-playing for middle and high school students. 

When teachers model emotional intelligence both for themselves and the students in their class, it can become a very powerful strategy.  “As a former educator, I believe the most impactful thing teachers can do is model the behavior they want to see,” Chavez says.

It can be demonstrating calm coping strategies; for example, showing how to handle frustration when the projector stops working mid-lesson. “A teacher who says, ‘I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m taking a deep breath before we continue,' is teaching a real-time regulation skill.”

The best part: EI doesn’t have to be an entire lesson plan; it’s taught in the small moments, too. When kids hear emotions acknowledged — “I see some disappointed faces after that quiz” — they learn that feelings aren’t flaws, and mistakes aren’t character defects.

And it’s not just about recognizing feelings; it’s about repairing ruptures. “Instead of only ‘You broke a rule,’ ask ‘How can we fix what happened with your classmate?’ so kids learn accountability and reconnection,” adds Gastelle.

How Parents Can Nurture Emotional Intelligence at Home

EI skills might be encouraged and modeled at school, but the foundation for learning really begins at home. That can feel like an enormous responsibility, but you don’t have to be perfect; in this case, consistency is key. “Naming feelings early and often is helpful,” suggests Gastelle. “You can say, ‘You’re disappointed we’re leaving the park,’ which helps to build emotional vocabulary.”

As parents, we’re primed to swoop in and solve any slight discomfort that our child experiences. But emotional intelligence emerges when your child has to come up with solutions on their own. “Try to validate before fixing,” advises Gastelle, who suggests saying something like: “That really hurt your feelings — I see why you’re upset.”

While tests serve as a marker of academic achievements, EI measures how children navigate social and emotional challenges well into adulthood. Says Chavez: “Good test scores might get you into college, but emotional intelligence is what keeps you there and helps you succeed in your career and marriage.” And when your child learns that, they’ll really be one smart cookie.

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