As a parent, few things are less infuriating than having a family member come into your home, ignore your rules, and let your kids do whatever they want. Sometimes, we feel like the parents in this Reddit forum. It’s full of folks who know what it's like to have family members completely disregard the boundaries you put in place for your kids, especially when it comes to treats and unhealthy behaviors.
You’ve probably had something like this happen to you. Maybe you say that the kids can’t have dessert after 8 PM, but then Grandpa comes over and gives them a cookie at 9 PM. Or you could have a strict rule where your young kids aren’t allowed to spend time on smartphones, but the next time you look around, your family member is letting your kids watch cartoons on their phone.
It can be hard to deal with. If you're looking for ways to effectively and calmly deal with these issues, this guide should get you on the right path.
The Type of Boundaries You May Have
Many boundaries include limitations on TV and screen time at home.
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First off, let's talk about what we mean by boundaries. As your child gets older, you’re going to have rules in your home. You will likely have boundaries relating to when your children need to go to bed at night, what they should and should not eat for dinner, when they can have snacks, what they can and can’t watch on TV, if they should use smartphones, and more.
It’s your house, so you can have the rules that you want. If you have friends or family members in your house who don’t follow those rules, then your kids could become confused, and it could hurt your relationships.
Talk to Your Family Members
The best way to avoid family members who don’t respect boundaries is to have a conversation with them at the start.
When You Won’t Be There
If your family members are coming over to babysit and you won’t be there, tell them the rules before you leave. You may want to make an itinerary of when your kids can eat, when they brush their teeth, when they go to bed, and so on.
Once you arrive back home, ask how things went. If you sense any problems or you see clues that your family member didn’t respect your boundaries, then speak to them then and there and clear the air so it doesn’t happen again. Reiterate what they should have done and say that if they are to babysit again, they need to follow your guidelines.
If You Catch Them Disobeying
Sometimes you can tell right away that some people don’t respect boundaries, especially if you catch them in the act. If you see them disobeying one of your rules, you need to have a conversation right away. Keep the talk out of earshot of the kids. Don’t embarrass your family member. Instead, bring them aside and reiterate the boundaries that you mentioned earlier. If they put up a fight, then you may have to reconsider having them watch your children the next time.
Explain Why You Have the Rules
If your family member doesn’t understand the importance of sticking to your boundaries, then explain why you have the rules in the first place. If you don’t want your kids eating sugar after 7 PM, then explain to your parents that sugar that late can prevent your kids from falling asleep.
Perhaps your rule is that your kids can’t watch certain channels on TV. If that’s the case, explain that the reason is the inappropriate content on those channels. By explaining your logic, you may get your family member to jump on board.
Create a List
Sometimes, it’s easier for family members who don’t respect boundaries to get with the program if you have all of those boundaries written out. You can write out the rules on a piece of paper and give them to your family member, or make it less intrusive by placing all of the rules on a whiteboard on the refrigerator.
This list will be helpful for your family and your kids, so they can remember the rules. It’s easier for your family to remember something if it’s hung up right in front of them.
Hold Kids Accountable, Too
Teach your kids it's okay to tell someone “no” if they're being told they can do something they shouldn't.
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During this entire process, it’s also important to remember that you need to keep your kids accountable as well. If they know that they’re being allowed to do something they shouldn’t be, then they can tell their family member no.
One of the biggest issues we have in our house in this regard is our kids using smartphones. Our eight-year-old daughter is not allowed to use smartphones for entertainment. However, when Nana comes around, she can’t help herself. She shows my daughter her smartphone.
So, we told our daughter to tell Nana that she wasn’t supposed to look at smartphones. Now, this strategy isn’t always successful, but it’s another opportunity to retain your boundaries.
Do Your Best
It’s understandable to get upset at family members who don’t respect boundaries. The fact is that even if you tell people that you have certain restrictions, they’re not always going to listen. In the end, all you can do is your best. Parenting is not always going to be easy, especially if your family members aren’t on board. However, as long as you take the time to instill good values in your kids, your efforts will pay off.
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