Navigating a Neurotypical World: Experts Say These Are the Strengths of Being a Neurodivergent Parent

Neurodivergence is defined as having a brain that functions, learns, or processes information differently from what most would consider “typical.” In some cases, people go their entire lives without realizing their brains function differently. For others, it's glaringly obvious from an early age. And for parents who are neurodivergent, it's an entirely unique way of life that looks drastically different from those who function in a neurotypical world.

Although I had a sneaking suspicion, my own confirmation didn't happen until my early 30s. As a hyperlexic kid, I found companionship, comfort, and safety between the chapters of my books. As an autistic adult, I find myself navigating the world in a way that looks very different from most. And having a neurodivergent family with my ADHD partner feels like a mixed bag of emotions.

While you have to accept the challenges, there is also so much strength and beauty in being a neurodivergent parent. We speak with two experts who share their stories and advice for others navigating parenting in a neurotypical world.

Neurodivergent Parenting and Its Challenges

Cristina Billingsley, LMFT, CCTP, is a neurodivergent parent raising two neurodivergent teens. She is also a trauma and anxiety therapist and Clinical Director of a neurodivergent-focused treatment center. She draws her advice from those she works with and from her own personal experience.

“One of the biggest struggles I see for neurodivergent parents, and this includes both ADHD and ASD parents, is the constant sense that the world is not designed for the way their brain works. Parenting already requires enormous flexibility, organization, emotional regulation, and the ability to tolerate a wide range of sensory input,” Billingsley shares.

“When your nervous system is more sensitive to stimulation, transitions, noise, or unpredictability, parenting can feel intensely overwhelming in ways that neurotypical parents may not fully understand.”

She says that many neurodivergent parents she has treated report a felt sense that they’re somehow doing it wrong.

“They may struggle with executive functioning, sensory overload, emotional regulation, or fatigue, and then judge themselves or compare themselves unfavorably to their neurotypical peers. Most neurodivergent parents are deeply attuned to their kids’ struggles because they get it on an intrinsic level. That doesn’t stop them from feeling overstimulated and depleted, however,” says Billingsley.

The Best Way to Overcome Obstacles? Being Honest

Honestly and self-awareness are two of the greatest tools a neurodivergent has. The second allows us to know what we need, and the first allows us to accept it. Billingsley tells us that doing this with self-compassion and without judgement are crucial.

“Parenting doesn’t require perfection, but it does require support and the inner permission to ask for it,” she says. “Helpful questions for parents to ask are: What do I need to recharge my sensory and social battery? What bodily signs can I be aware of to know that I’m depleted? What kind of structure do I need to function and feel best in? Is that attainable? What are instances when I might need help, and who can I reach out to for help or assistance?”

Billingsley adds that neurodivergent parents don’t need to become neurotypical to be good parents. “What matters more is learning how your nervous system works and building a life that supports it. The fear many parents have is, ‘What if I’m not enough?' On the contrary, neurodivergent parents are usually their child’s best advocate and support. Because they get it. These parents bring extraordinary empathy and intentionality to parenting. When parents understand their own brains, they are often better able to understand their children’s,” she says.

Accepting Help Is a Superpower

One thing that separates neurodivergent parents from the neurotypical is the need for self-regulation. Sensory overload is a very real, very stressful facet of not only parenting, but being autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD. This sense of overwhelm quickly leads to burnout. And it's not unusual for parents to fight it rather than give themselves grace. However, there is power in knowing when to let others in.

“This is one of the hardest parts of parenting in general, and especially for neurodivergent parents who may already feel stretched thin and often are. They know firsthand the amount of effort and intention it takes to function well themselves in a world that can feel foreign and then have the added pressure of helping their kids to do the same. I encourage parents to remember that it’s not only ok to make space for both your and your child’s needs, but that it’s nonnegotiable. Well-regulated parents are more successful in creating regulated environments for their families,” Billingsley explains.

She encourages parents to strive for balance, rather than perfection. “Balance may look like making sure you carve out enough recharge time after a stressful day, giving yourself permission to ask for a break, and taking that time to pause, or planning for transitions so they are more predictable. We live in such a pressured society, and parents can model self-care for their children, which will teach their children that it’s necessary to emphasize self-care and the need to self-regulate,” she says.

Each Disorder Has Its Strengths

It might seem contradictory to use “disorder” and “strengths” in the same sentence, but in the neurodivergent world, it's true. There are times that feel crippling, and days that feel insurmountable given burnout, sensory overload, and even skill regression. But some days feel empowering, creative, and joyous. Billingsley shares with us the struggles of each and also where we excel.

“One of the areas I see ADHD parents often struggle with is organization and time management. They may be juggling careers, child-rearing, caring for aging parents, and feeling overwhelmed by the daily demands of parenting. At the same time, ADHD parents often bring creativity, flexibility, humor, and spontaneity into family life. Many are deeply engaged and emotionally expressive with their kids, and they encourage the same in their children,” she says.

“These can be really fun parents, who are often up for adventure and don’t necessarily sweat the small stuff, like an assignment left to the last minute. These parents can hyperfocus and get stuff done, often performing best under pressure.”

Billingsley adds that autistic parents may struggle more with sensory overload. The unpredictability, social expectations, and the constant demands for flexibility that parenting requires are also challenging. “But ASD parents often bring incredible thoughtfulness, depth, honesty, and attunement to their kids and the struggles they may face. Many are very intentional and respectful of their children’s individuality, and both encourage and celebrate it,” she reassures.

Lastly, AuDHD parents may feel the pressures of both worlds. “AuDHD parents often experience both intensity and overstimulation alongside the drive and creativity. They may feel pulled between needing structure and struggling to maintain it. But they often develop a very deep understanding of how different brains work and can create families where differences are genuinely respected,” Billingsley explains.

“Parenting can become an opportunity to do things differently, and by watching themselves parent in ways they may not have received, inner healing can occur. When parents learn to respect their own sensory needs and communication styles, they create space for their children to do the same. That process can be deeply healing.”

What Life Looks Like As An AuDHD Parent

Rachel Morgan-Trimmer, founder of the neurodiversity consultancy Firebird, is a parent who was diagnosed with autism at 46. She was later diagnosed with ADHD at 48, but she says this, overall, was a comfort. “It was a relief to me, actually, and I didn’t feel much of anything, to be honest. Although the diagnosis was validating. One of my biggest challenges with ADHD is being impatient, which, as any parent of small children will know, can be challenging! But having kids did teach me to slow down, and being impatient meant I am efficient about a lot of things,” she shares.

“One of the biggest things I learnt as an AuDHD adult was to just go with it. You can’t control the storm, but you can ride the waves. Having some structure is key, but flexibility within that structure is also vital,” Morgan-Trimmer encourages.

“We use the term ‘anchors.' An example might be that you don’t necessarily have breakfast at 8 AM, but you have breakfast after you wake up and before you get dressed. Or there might be a week of intense working, followed by a lazy weekend, then a gentle few days of clearing out of the house. It works better than a rigid schedule for us, and I know of other neurodivergents who say the same.”

Neurodivergent Parents See the World Differently

“I think because I’m ADHD, autistic, and have had to find my own way of navigating the world, I’m more willing to go against the grain. That meant being true to my environmental choices, like choosing reusable nappies, and making home-cooked food for the kids, even when people said I’d never do it!” Morgan-Trimmer shares.

“I’ve been able to rediscover my love of play with the kids, too. I actually enjoy playing, and it’s great to have an opportunity to do that again. It’s healthy for me too. It gives me the opportunity to be creative, to run around, and to be silly.”

This experience is unique to each parent, and neurodivergent people often blaze their own paths in parenting and in their lives. While masking forces us into a box, embracing who we are only makes us stronger parents.

“I think I doubted myself a lot because I was doing things so differently from the way I was brought up. Autistic people live in a weird middle ground between having to follow the rules while knowing that those rules don’t serve them or their family. So it can be paradoxically hard for us to reject the rules, yet sometimes easier,” Morgan-Trimmer says.

Autistic Joy Is Real, For Parents and Their Children

Morgan-Trimmer tells us that she works with many neurodivergent parents in her line of work. By observing them, she says, neurodivergent kids are often the ones helping their parents better know themselves.

“The one big advantage neurodivergent parents have when it comes to parenting neurodivergent kids is the mutual understanding. They understand their kids better, but what I see that’s really wonderful is that the kids help the parents to understand themselves better. Often, the parents are late diagnosed, and they learn from kids who never got squashed into an ill-fitting box, suffered inaccurate labels, or had to be quiet. It’s almost like a second childhood for some of them,” she says.

The Struggles Are Real, But So Is the Love

In truth, there is no easy way to be a neurodivergent parent. All the noise-canceling headphones, sensory toys, and energy-giving activities in the world won't prepare a person for a family. However, as challenging as it is, it's twice as rewarding for many.

“It’s only hard because you care. Because you care about your kids, because you care about being a good parent, because you care about their future,” Morgan-Trimmer admits.

“That takes a lot of energy, and you’re already expending so much on living in a world that wasn’t designed for you. But you can create your own world around what you need, at home, on your trips out, wherever you need. The more you meet your own needs and the more you shape your environment, the easier it becomes.”

Morgan-Trimmer also echoes Billingsley's notion of maintaining time to reset. “We always get told to ‘rest,' but we don’t always know what that looks like or what works best for us. I like the idea of ‘active rest' which might be a walk rather than soaking in the bath or falling asleep on the sofa,” she encourages.

“It’s also good for us to avoid unhealthy pseudo-rest like doomscrolling. It feels relaxing, but is actually stressful. When we’ve forgotten how to relax, it’s an opportunity to revisit some enjoyable activities from when we were younger. That might be artistic pursuits, playing outside, or simply staring out of the window. Slowing down is hard for us, but it’s only in slowing down that we can start to notice what our body and mind need. But the biggest thing for me was understanding that rest isn’t a thing that needs to be earned. It’s a fundamental part of who we are as human beings and how we function best, especially as a parent.”

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